Unapologetic

Unapologetic for being exactly the person you groomed me to be
The one that lied in order for you to see me

Unapologetic for leaving the girl you once knew behind
Her innocence shattered from your lies

Unapologetic for believing that one day she could be exactly what you needed
Only to realize she had been defeated

Unapologetic for unanswered questions that you really didn't want the answers to
Those same questions that you just knew you knew

Unapologetic for the way you viewed her soul
Naive enough to believe that the two of you would grow old
Sitting together reciting stories untold

Unapologetic for the worth you threw away
I'm exactly what you thought I would never be on this very day

Unapologetic for the tears that were shed
Spending days and sometimes weeks in bed

Unapologetic for the strength I gained
Through the trials, tribulations and pain

Unapologetic for walking in my destiny
I'm going to be exactly who you believed I couldn't be

Unapologetic for who I am now
A woman with purpose...I know right.. WOW!

I said all of this in order to say
I'm unapologetic in that way

Sweet Dreams Collection
LR Wilson

*I own the rights to this cited work*

FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA

It's My Bloggerversary!!

Today is my Bloggerversary!!!! Yes I made that up right here and right now. This month has been all of the following for me:

Serenity
The month of December has brought me so much peace to unreconciled feelings in my life. We come and go everyday and people don't even know us well enough to see that we are not at peace with many things. In my case it's been old feelings. Because I'm human. .when you care about someone or something and those feelings are suppressed, they find their way of seeping out. Mine came out in tears. Tears of remembrance of the good times and tears of joy which brought me back to my place of serenity.

Power
I never knew just how much power I have until this month as well. Believing in myself is an ongoing struggle for me in many areas. The reason being is I want things to be done right and never let myself done. I am indeed my worst critic. Once I received the final divorce decree I began to reflect on all the things I needed to get done ASAP. I began them, then I was halted in my steps. I felt powerless and like I won't be able to get things done because I wanted them to happen instantaneously. Well I'm here to tell you...that's not how it works. So I'm just slowing down and regaining the power I do have...waiting for direction at the appropriate time.

Integrity
Yes honey!! I had to hold my head up and move right along knowing that I was doing the right thing. I asked for nothing more and nothing less than I rightfully deserved and was supposed to have. I don't understand how people have time to be spiteful in divorce proceedings. If nothing else...please have some integrity in what you're doing. Not only you are being affected, everyone in your circle will be affected. Show them that you have integrity so they too will model that same behavior in things they encounter. Be on the up and up!

Perseverance
I've been fighting for my life since I left my mother's womb! It's safe to say that I will stay the course and push through with all that I have. I'm someone that doesn't give up easy, hence the years it took to get to this place I am now. I may become discouraged at times because I want things to happen now, but the difference with me from some is that I don't give up until I've made it my business to try everything in MY power to make it happen. I'm a soldier and I'm a survivor. It's what I do!

Redemption
Finally this is my redemption story. Writing this blog was one of the best therapy session additions I have ever encountered. It has allowed me to be candid and honest with myself as well as with the audience. Some days were really hard during these last 52 weeks since I started, but it needed to happen in order for me to ARRIVE!

People were inquiring about what I was going to say on the Bloggerversary blog. I said I don't know because I haven't been given direction. I wait and wait and wait...lo and behold the fingers get to pecking away at the keyboard as words, emotions, truths hit the page.

There are big plans in the works for 2019 and Channeling Tequila brand. Whatever you do in life...just know that IT WILL HAPPEN if you have serenity, power, integrity, and perseverance to get to redemption!

Thank you so very much for allowing me to be a part of your story in whatever way I have been. I'm turning the page and opening a new chapter. Will you come with me on this journey?

#findyourhappy

With Love
LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila

Round of Applause!

One of my favorite songs is Take a Bow by Rihanna.  The chorus is very profound and goes like this:

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow
But it's over now

When we approach the end of things, no matter what it may be, we tend to reflect on what happened to get us to this place or what is going to happen after arriving at the end.  Well, guess what . .we have reached the end and right now I am at a rebuild state of my life.  As painful, insulting and embarrassing as a divorce is, we have to accept things as they are and move right along. Congratulate those who played a part in it because there is no time like the present to rebuild who you are!  I have been doing just that!  Rebuilding and re-establishing who I am, what I want and how to go about doing it.  I once believed that we were a "power couple" as he told me.  Of course at that time the things I know now I did not know. I would never minimize my role in the whole thing because that's not who I am.  I will say however that . . .we have been through some shit babbbbyyyy . . but at the end of the day I still wanted us to be that "power couple".  Well power is distributed to each of us with different realms of responsibility. 

In order to be part of a "power couple" first things first . . hell you need to be a couple!  Secondly, you must both work towards the same goal and have the same interested investments on how to reach that goal.  Obviously you will not always agree on one strategy to get there, but you must at least come to a common ground.  Everyone has a different way of doing things and just because it's not your way, doesn't exclude it from being a right or wrong way.  The key is COMMON GROUND.    Now that the show is over . . .sadly, yet emphatically I must go on!  I must continue to strive forward and make sure I am doing what's best not only for myself; but for my kids and the people's lives I am impacting on a daily basis. No matter what you are facing . . .please understand that you MUST GO ON!  Many are depending on your success and are applauding you from behind the scenes if not in front of you. You don't really need accolades to be the BEST YOU . . JUST BE IT!

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder

FB: Channeling Tequila Page

IG:  @channelingtequila

Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com



The Possibility of Possible

This title has been stirring in my soul for several days. As I awaited direction, I also waited for the right words to put to paper. Most often times we underestimate the possibility of possible in our lives. We come and go as if we are robotic never really understanding the reasoning behind our movement. Lord knows in a million years I would have never seen all this movement coming/going!

When you embrace the possibility of possible you allow yourself to open up to new things, new people, new habits and new energy. No one is ever really ready for change, so I'm here to tell you it will be and is hard especially when you didn't see it coming. The last three years of my life have been a rollercoaster physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. If you know me, you know that unless I am at rock bottom damn near licking the dirt, I will not ask for help. I make it work and I make it happen. Obviously through God..who provides all things...but you know what I'm saying.

Some days I did not know if I had enough gas to even get to work and earn a paycheck. That didn't deter me. I'm sure you're probably thinking "well she's working six million jobs and three million side gigs so she should be set". Yes I should be if I didnt have the same financial responsibilities, if not more, that I had in a two income household. That's no longer the case, so I had to lean on God and the understanding of the possibility of possible in order to make it through.

My situation never stopped me from giving to others and helping out in any way I could. I had to believe that things would get better no matter what. My kids needed things..although grown and growing...they still needed things and I made it happen. There's a difference between wanting and needing so I will first point that out. I am blessed to have kids that really only come to me when they have exhausted all other resources. I'll just go ahead and say that we take care of each other. My saying to them is always "when I come up we come up".

There are so many of us who take for granted the possibility of possible. The reason is because we are so focused on making things happen when they don't need to. Don't go into debt trying to do something you simply can not do. You have to be able to live after whatever that is you're wanting to do. The possibility of possible is that you may be able to do it and there's a good chance of it happening...but not now.

Anything you put time and energy into will manifest it self to you...for you and with you. Believe that it will all pay off in the end. All your hard work, determination, and selfless love will prove to be all that was needed. Never underestimate what could happen. It's a matter of timing! The possibility of possible!

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com

The Lying Truth

In this day and age there should be no grown men and women lying. Yea I just put it out there. There is no such thing as a white lie, a little lie or lying by omission. I'm here to tell you, it's all a LIE! Now let me make this PERFECTLY clear, I have lied in my lifetime. I did not stumble upon this nugget of truth until I was older and more mature.

There are times when you will need to lie. But are there? Some people lie out of protection. They are protecting something or someone. Now that I know better, how about I just not talk about this part because the reality is if I'm keeping someone safe, I will be lying just in case this confused you. No...it's not right, but if it came to life or death being thrown in my hands to prevent it, although I'm not in control of life or death, I will be choosing life.

I'll never forget when being questioned about my infidelity I really thought it was a trick question. Although it had been long gone and over with two years before and I chose to divulge the information, I was confused. Here's the confusion! The question was "so why did you lie?" (Insert blank stare) My responding question was "what are you talking about?" I was really confused. "Why did you lie?" was repeated. I then said "because that's what people do when you're trying to hide something." That was the Lying Truth. At that moment I realized I no longer had to lie. I had to literally open my mouth and say that! The weight that was lifted off my soul! Once I said that, the feeling is something I can not even explain. I felt PURE FREEDOM!

I thought by getting everything out and in the open we could repair, restore and reunite our marriage. Well I'm here to tell you once again....that did NOT happen! As a matter of fact things got worse and we were not even together. I found out other truths and lies that I wasn't involved in. Although painful, it needed to happen so we both could own our truths. I can only speak for myself and I know that mine are owned.

The Lying Truth is something very powerful. If you can get to a point in your life where you don't have to lie...being your true self in every truth of your life....you have arrived to TRUE FREEDOM! You don't have to be mean or do things out of malice, but you do have to be honest with yourself before you can be with anyone else. Yes, it is a process and one that continually evolves. You will continually be tested. Choose what's just and right. Be the Lying Truth!

#findyourhappy

With Love
LR Wilson, Founder

FB Page: Channeling Tequila
IG: @channelingtequila
Email: channelingtequila@gmail.com
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com

When Goodbye Became Hello!

Saying goodbye has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Yes, of course, we say it everyday as we leave because it's out of courtesy. The goodbye I'm talking about is indicative of a funeral service. If you've ever attended a funeral service you understand that the person is never coming back. As harsh as it may be, you accept that. At some point you grieve and move on with your life as much as you can.

To much of my surprise saying goodbye to my marriage, relationship, former lifestyle was extremely hard for me...in the beginning. When I say beginning, I'm talking about the first almost two years! Yes it took that long despite how much I wanted to be and thought I was done. After I was able to understand, recognize and accept my own shortcomings in this whole thing, that's when goodbye became hello!

Hello to the me that I've been putting on the back burner to do everything that someone else needed done. Hello to my own happiness now that I wasn't focused on making sure everyone else was happy. Hello to the power of saying no and meaning it because I no longer had to say yes to keep the peace. Hello to my single voice in making decisions that made the most sense to me and I no longer had to understand or question why a decision was being made that I didn't agree with. When goodbye became hello was a blessing in disguise although painful.

I've been extremely transparent in my writings. I'm here to tell you that once you allow yourself to be open and honest with who you are...the good...the bad...the ugly...the stanky truth, you will finally reach a level of freedom for yourself. Say goodbye to everything that hinders your growth. At the end of the day, YOU are the common denominator and only YOU can transform into YOUR HELLO!

#findyourhappy

LR WILSON, Founder
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com 

When the Yoke Broke

As puzzling as it may be let me first explain this blog post has absolutely nothing to do with cooking eggs sunnyside up! It also has nothing to do with cooking eggs over easy. Quite frankly it has nothing to do with eggs period! Because if it did, it would be spelled yolk! Moment of silence for those who had that confusion most of their lives and was just given clarity! But honey let me tell you...not even I can pinpoint When the Yoke Broke!

The academia definition of the word yoke in the verb tense is "couple" or "attach with". That is the definition that will be used for the purpose of this post. Now that everyone is up to speed...I need to let you know that I have been thinking, assessing, doing do overs in my mind, questioning when and where did the breakdown in my marriage occur? At what point did we get to When the Yoke Broke?

Was it broke before we even got married? Did it happen in the first, second, fifth year? What caused it? Is there anything I could have done to stop it? You know I'm a fix it type of person so it would've been in my psyche to make things right....had I known the answers to the questions posed. Then I say "self there is nothing or no one that could've prepared you or told you this would be the outcome." Hell I got questions! Yes...I am aware that is grammatically incorrect; however it needed to be said just like that so you can feel what I'm feeling through the words on this page.

For many years I blamed myself solely for the demise that happened in my marriage. The reality is that it wasn't just me. It was everything that consumed me. I loved this man with all my being. The funny thing is everyone could see it, but him. I continually found myself trying to prove my love to him. It happened through my words, my gifts, my attention but it never seemed to be enough. I can't answer why that is because I was the one thinking it was enough. Some would argue that if you love someone you don't have an affair or cheat if you're not married. Well I mean arguably so there is some truth in that...partially. My truth is all that I am at liberty to share.

In my opinion the focus should be on why the affair or the cheating happened not whether or not you love the person. You can still love that person and be in love with them. The issue at hand is what's missing that allowed you to make the decision to step outside the relationship? Is it something that can be fixed? Are you willing to take on the responsibility of owning your own shit? Or the ultimate question are you so broken that option is off the table?? Get to the root of it all. Be transparent! Defining When the Yoke Broke is the key!

I can honestly say that pinpointing When the Yoke Broke is like looking for a needle in a haystack when it comes to the demise of not only my marriage but the relationship as a whole. This was my friend, my confidant, my earthly provider, my security, father of my children, traveling partner, drinking partner, act silly partner, lazy love. He was my everything! When I tell y'all I loved this man...I loved this man. Thinking about it makes me sad because there was so much we were to do together but God saw fit that it was not so.

This whole ordeal has really changed the way I process for sure. Pretty much anything that resembles a relationship, I have successfully dodged by choice. Well first and foremost my divorce isn't final; but most importantly is that I'm not ready or even know if ever I will be able to love anyone other than myself intimately again. The work I had to do mentally and emotionally to get to where I am today will not be in vain. Who's to say that one day it might happen, but I'm not counting on it...for sure. Before you get to analyzing me as giving him the power...that's not the issue. I just refuse to love anyone else more than I love myself again and therefore I know that I can depend on me and I trust that I will never hurt myself. Yea and I'm ok with that. With that said, I'll keep hope alive but it definitely won't be my focus. It very well could happen. I know not the plans of God. I mean if I did, I'm pretty sure this blog would be something very different.

Whoever is reading this in contemplation stage, pinpoint When the Yoke Broke and do what's best for YOU. The rest will fall into place. Unidentified or untreated emotional trauma is real. Until you can deal with you...the REAL YOU...everything else is obsolete. Take the mask off and face the person in the mirror so that your healing can happen from the inside out.

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR WILSON, FOUNDER
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA WEBSITE: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM

BONUS BLOG! Be Careful Who You Put Your Mouth On!

Be careful who you put your mouth on! Before I get all up in your business let me tell you a little bit about mine. I'm a person that will sit back and listen to people. I observe and I chime in as appropriate. What I won't do is entertain drama or lie on people. Some will have others to believe that's who I am and here's why....they are broken. Broken not because of my doing but because of their own. Anytime you try to destroy someone by talking about them...you better be careful who you put your mouth on! My motto has and always will be "I will tell yours and mine because I tell the whole story...not just what will make me look good."

As I was conversing with a very good friend she said to me "God has been showing me so much in 2018. Good, bad and ugly. Not just with my so call friends and family but with myself as well. Through it all, people that set out to harm me has to deal with my Heavenly Father." My reply "Well if that ain't a mouthful..pun intended." Be careful who you put your mouth on! Not everything and everyone is in need of your blessing. The one that you think you are giving them when in reality you are trying to shut them down.

Perfect example! I was once told I will endure God's wrath because I stopped being a damn fool and put my foot down to not be used anymore. I'm no saint or Bible thumper but those who know me know that I'm serious about my God...even when I'm not doing all I should be..so for someone to say that to me in the days of me not knowing who or whose I am...I would have been backtracking and trying to resolve the wrong. Ummm...but I didn't this time because it wasn't me in the wrong...it was the person using me. If you've been reading my blogs you will know that my kindness is definitely my weakness. When I make up my mind that I'm done...I'm done. Be careful who you put your mouth on!

I refuse to allow anyone or anything to continue to make me feel as if I'm unworthy or disloyal in my dealings and invalidate my feelings. The main people who are spewing those toxins onto you are the very people who need to be eliminated from your life. I don't know who need to hear this right now but here it is! Be careful who you put your mouth on!

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA Website: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM

DON'T BE AFRAID!

Fear is one of the most prominent emotions we all possess...for the most part. When we don't know what the future holds, we automatically become afraid. Not because of the outcome, but because we are embarking on the process to get to the outcome. It's the unknown we fear. I'm here to tell you...DON'TBE AFRAID. Everything that the enemy used for your demise will be used for your glory in the midst of the storm.

You will be told and/or shown all the reasons why you won't make it without them. While all the time you've been the one holding on to them and making sure they make it. Despite all the things that I've been through during these difficult times of separation and divorce I had to embrace that motto "Don't Be Afraid." These are desperate times and call for desperate measures for some. There is no hurt like the hurt you feel when people you care about are out to make sure you fail. Even if it's not their intention, it feels that way because you know what you would and wouldn't do to/for them regardless of the situation. The reality is this is a person you once loved and cared about. Plus I believe wholeheartedly in karma.

I have spoken with many people, both men and women in relationships either ending or done, who I have had to remind that they are more than what their exes have tried to make them believe. Go and pick up your confidence, your beauty, your determination, your talent on the back burner, your being and DON'T BE AFRAID!
Everything happens for a reason and within the timing of the universe.

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder

FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG:@CHANNELINGTEQUILA WEBSITE: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM 

STICK A FORK IN IT!

STICK A FORK IN IT!

People have asked me "when do you know you're done?" My answer is and always will be "you don't know until you know." There will be signs, symbols and fire falling from the sky...but until that one thing happens to change your whole perception of your situation to the reality of it. .yes the reality of it...you truly are not done. The mind is a powerful tool; however the heart is the most powerful. You can think all day long that you're done and even implement into your daily activities the art of "being done". When the heart steps in and shows you that you're not. .it will take a mighty rushing wind to remind you of why you're done or to validate that you're done.

I was separated for almost three years. Although the beginning of the separation was extremely rocky for me the first year and a half, I got through it. I had my ups and downs but at the end of the day I was saying and displaying I was done. Well I wasn't but didn't know it. My mind said I was but my heart wouldn't allow me to be. I tried everything in my being to make the two match. That was a challenge indeed because I wasn't ready. I was a chameleon!

Fast forward to the very first divorce hearing. Well honey you could've poured me into a cup. I had no idea all those feelings and emotions would be just sitting there waiting to emerge. Bottled up for almost three years. Uh....yea they hit like a damn monsoon and everybody in my presence saw and felt my heart, mind, body and soul that day. Lo and behold my previous significant other made a request in court that pierced my very being. My head must've turned around like the exorcist at that moment. He requested that I was ordered to change my last name. Jesus! Let me tell y'all right now everything that my heart and mind didnt connect with...connected immediately!
That's what I needed! After all this time...that is exactly what I needed to STICK A FORK IN IT!

Of everything we have been through of the decades we were together, NOTHING could've compared to that moment. So that's when I knew I was done. Yes I was out living my best life after my depression and suicidal thoughts stage, but I wasn't whole yet. There were still pieces of me lingering about. Shyyyyttt....those puzzle pieces aligned at that moment baby! Now I would be lying if I said I still didnt have love for him because I do. We were together for decades and we have children together. We didnt have bad times all the time we were together but when they were bad...they were bad. The good times were glorious and quite frankly outweigh the bad times, but at the end of the day....I knew that we were done.

Most recently I posted a message that said "females break up mentally before they break up physically. A guy can think he gas her on lock while laying beside her but her mind is in another place. BE CAREFUL HOW YOU TREAT HER BECAUSE ONCE YOU LOSE THE HEAD THE BODY FOLLOWS and that's real shit".

I'll leave this right here! STICK A FORK IN IT!

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR WILSON, Founder
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM

Dream Zone

Dream Zone

How many of us pay attention to our dreams when it comes to evaluating our lives? When I talk about dreams...I am talking about the dreams that we have when we are sleeping. Our unconscious selves speaking in a conscious mind. Well although my dreams are quite vivid the one that I had a few nights ago was to say the least very telling!

I dreamed that I was throwing up. Have you ever had a dream where it was so real that you actually felt the after effects of it when you awoke? This was me the other night. So back to my dream as I digressed....
I was vomiting profusely and had no idea why. In the dream I was slumped over regurgitating continuously. When I woke up I literally had globs of spit protruding from my mouth. I could not stop it! I was awake and could not stop the spit from flowing out of my mouth onto my pillow. Yessss this is gross as hell! Not to mention very wet and disturbed my resting state! All day long as I went about my day I continued to relive the moments in that dream so I decided to look it up.

I looked at several sources including the spiritual meaning of the dream and it all came back to one thing...purging! My body was purging evil and anything associated with negative energy. Although I read several dream interpretations this one was by far the most accurate and simple for me to understand and share.

https://dreamingandsleeping.com/dreams-about-vomiting-interpretation-and-meaning/

"If you have been dreaming you are vomiting, it means that there is something in your life you need to get rid of...."

I'll just leave that right there so you all can ponder on it when you're ready. Lord knows I have been battling with everything in me and when this is all said and done we can really talk about the realness of my situation. I have never had a dream of this magnitude before and this was an eye opening experience.

The universe has a way of allowing you to figure things out on your own by leading you directly to what has to happen!! As much as you can fight a situation with your body...your soul is in control of the outcome. There is nothing like "soul confirmation" to validate everything your body has been telling you.

Before you love anyone or anything else...please understand that you must first love you. You have to be able to be selfish in order to keep your own sanity. Take care of your mind...body and soul. Protect your peace and allow yourself to live beyond your expectations.

#findyourhappy

With Love
LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG: @channelingtequila

Channelingtequila.blogspot.com

Blinded by Sight

Have you ever been in a place where you questioned whether or not you are indeed a good person? Yes, of course, none of us a perfect; however the intentions of a good person is to help those in any way possible because you want them to succeed. The problem comes in when you're giving someone or something all of your "good person" energy yet that's not enough. Why isn't it enough? Well I'm glad you asked!!

When you allow people, places or things to take, take, take your good person energy and never refill it...it becomes extremely draining. You begin to question whether or not you are doing the right things. You become Blinded by Sight. What that means is things are happening in front of your face yet you are blinded because you want to still do right by people.

The worst feeling in the world is to one day open your eyes to something or someone you don't recognize and you've known it/them most of your life. Things that in a million years no one could have paid you to believe would happen...happens. If you have never experienced this type of pain, I pray that you never will. Once you reach the place of being forced to open your eyes and seeing people for who they really are, you are no longer blinded by sight. There comes a time when enough is just that...enough. You no longer desire to be used and abused in order to show that you're a good person by continuing to accept or put up with things to pacify/satisfy the circumstances you have been presented with. You don't have to be a doormat to be a good person.

Everything we do comes back to us. Bad for bad. Evil for evil. Good for good. When you use people to get what you want. And yessss I am using the word "used" from a selfish view, you will reap exactly what you sow. Be very clear that every action has a reaction whether positive or negative...it is inevitable that it will happen. Continue to open your heart, mind and soul to do good despite your reservation when someone attempts to take your "good person" vibe!

#findyourhappy

Respectfully

LR WILSON, Founder
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @channelingtequila
channelingtequila.blogspot.com

When Kindness is YOUR Weakness

Growing up I was always taught to "kill them with kindness".  At the same time, I was never told that my kindness would indeed by my weakness!  Often times I allow my heart to lead me in the direction I am supposed to go.  With that said, I also place myself in other people's shoes to determine how to respond.  Well all of that has gotten me kicked in the teeth!  Killing them with kindness is killing me internally! Let's be perfectly clear . .I am no saint and have never claimed to be; however I do have a heart . . .although black now. . .but you understand what I'm saying!

People will only do what you allow them to do.  At some point, killing them with kindness will take its toll on your carnal existence.  YES through the eyes of God we are to be nice and not want retaliation for other people's actions.  That too allows me to be the person that I am because I believe that God will take care of it all in the end.  My question is WHEN IS THIS HAPPENING?  You give, give and give people hoping that they will reciprocate and when that doesn't happen, it places you in a moral dilemma.  Moral dilemmas are uncomfortable space for me.  I hate being the bitch that I very well can be as a Leo; but at times is most definitely has to happen in order to keep my own sanity in place.

Some, including my own family members, can not understand the way I do things.  The only way I can explain things is by saying "I try to do what's right by people and I would never want anyone to treat me the way that I clearly would be treated if the shoe was on the other foot."  Yea . .they still didn't sway their thinking.  Quite frankly the time has come for me to be just that . . continuously unbothered and unconcerned with other people's lives.  Even the ones that would and did hang me out to dry.  Please feel free to insert whatever your thoughts are here.

My name is LaToya Wilson and I have come to terms with "my kindness is my weakness" to those who desire to USE ME to their advantage.  Now that I am able to voice that aloud . . .LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Don't continue to live in a constant state of "kill them with kindness" when you know damn well that is NOT working out for you and your life so now is the time to make that change.  Choose to be free from all aspects of narcissism in order to live your best life!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB Page: Channeling Tequila
IG: @channelingtequila

The Blessing of Betrayal

Betrayal is one of those words that fuel alot of emotion no matter how you try to spin it!  You tend to think back to all the hurt, harm, embarrassment and disrespect that happened during that time.  If you have ever been or even felt betrayed, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Betrayal is a nasty thing and can lead to many feelings.  Well I'm here to tell you that not all betrayal is bad.  Wait . .wait . .wait let me explain!

Some betrayal is a BLESSING!!  Of course when we are going through that moment this is the last thing we want to hear or even acknowledge.  If we look back over all the things that we went through to STAY in said relationship, whether it's a marriage, a friendship, a professional relationship . . whatever it is . .you went through alot to stay in it.  This relationship was given your time, your care, your sanity all for the sake of keeping it afloat.  Guess what . . that betrayal was a BLESSING!!  You are free from all that has kept you bound.

The Blessing of Betrayal is real.  I never looked at betrayal as a blessing at first.  As I slowly came into my own over the past three years, I learned that although I say "everything happens for a reason" . .I didn't fully understand that motto.  ANDDDD . . now I do!  I am living in the Blessing of Betrayal.  Things I never thought I would be able to do, I have done.  Places I've wanted to go, I have gone.  As this year comes to an end soon, I will be making some major moves in my life in an effort to continue to better myself and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

I would never advocate for someone to leave a relationship, unless it's abusive; however I will say that if you're waiting to get out of a situation and YOU have been or feel betrayed, there is a BLESSING there.  You just have to receive it.  To be quite honest, the Blessing of Betrayal in your situation may be to make things stronger, so that you and your significant other can move forward into what is to be.  Look at your circumstance and decide what would be best for YOU so that whatever decision you make, it's YOUR decision because that's what' best.  When you're good . ..everyone is good!

The Blessing of Betrayal is just that . . A BLESSING!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB:  Channeling Tequila Page
IG:  @channelingtequila

The Plight of A Scorned Woman

What does it really mean to be scorned?  Is it revenge?  Is it self pity?  Is it control?  What exactly is it?  The official textbook definition reads to "feel or express contempt or derision for".  That word contempt is a heavy one.  It literally means "the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn".  Seriously???? Now let's get into this right here!

The Plight of A Scorned Woman is when she ends up in a situation that is unfortunate.  Clearly that can cover a lot of ground once you go through things that you never imagined would exist.  Many of us would have never thought we would be in this exact situation or circumstance in this day and at this age . . but hey . .here we are!  Although life has a funny way of telling us . .slow your ass down and focus . . it also can be one of the most rewarding moments you have ever endured.

I had the honor and privilege most recently of being interviewed for a podcast Bougie University Designing a Life We Love with Cicely Renee the Bougie Black Blogger to talk about how to #findYOURhappy.  This was an eye opening experience for me and it was one of many that will forever be in my favor. All these moments are launching me into my destiny of being a Motivational Speaker when I grow up . . AGAIN!  By the way check out Episode 8!

 https://anchor.fm/bougieblackblogger


When a woman is scorned we tend to walk through the fire and brush off the ashes as we get back to life.  There is something special about a woman who can do just that!  I'm not saying men can't be scorned; however I'm speaking for and from a woman's experience.  We are literally the backbone of the home.  Many times I have spoken with women who are in relationships, out of relationships, in-between relationships and the stories are all the same no matter the relationship status.  We get up and get shit done no matter what!

Yes there was a time when I thought I was going to damn die without my spouse.  Lo and behold I lived!  Not only did I live for myself, I lived for everything that mattered more than my life . .my children.  I have had some trials that I never thought I would have to face and at the end of the day I rose through the fire.  There have been times that I have gone without food to eat because my priority was to make sure my son was fed, the household functioned without missing a beat and anything that my older kids needed help with, I was able to provide it. If I ask for help with anything . . .it's a real need.  I will sit and go without before I result to owing anybody anything. I may not have everything I want, but I have everything I need. 

People think they know what's going on in your life and they speculate or predict what you should have or should be doing because of your job/economic status.  Honey let me tell you . . no one knows what's happening with my bank account other than me, my bank and God Almighty unless I've shared that information. Please don't tell me what I should have in my account unless you are making deposits.  Unless you have been in my shoes, you can not understand the walk that I have had to endure. Even if you wore the same shoes, your walk and my walk is completely different because we are all cut from a unique cloth that's special fitted for only us. Some say it's my own fault that I went through that season.  I say everything happens in God's timing and for a reason.

No one is perfect and we all have seasons of being scorned. That feeling of being beneath consideration, worthless or deserving of scorn can hit us all at some point in our lives.  It's what you do with it once it arrives that matters the most. Will you sit down and not fight for consideration, worth or what you deserve? You don't have to lash out at the other person or even try to diminish them.  That's what the enemy wants you to do.  The crazy thing is, I'm not even mad at that because he's just doing his job.  You have to be stronger in faith and resilient to a fault.  Every obstacle that you perceive that is in your way is just a stepping stone to get you to where you are ordained to be.

The Plight of A Scorned Woman is just that . . .COURAGE, STRENGTH, DETERMINATION, PROSPEROUS and FAVOR.

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG:  @channelingtequila

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Goliath who?

Many of us have felt defeated in life at some point.  Whether it was tied to a relationship, a friendship, a job, weight loss, exercising, raising kids . .at some point the feeling of defeat was overwhelming.  If you know anything about David and Goliath, you are aware that Goliath was a giant and David was a small boy.  Problems in life are just that . . .Goliath! There have been times when although I didn't feel like I was defeated, I was.  As women we have that "push through it" mentality.  We were created this way.  So it's what we know and what we do . . most of us anyway.

During the demise of my relationship, I felt defeated.  Here I go again with another failed marriage.  Then I had to take a real look at what was going on.  Yes I am the common denominator.  One would think that I am clearly the problem.  Well if we're being totally honest here . . I'm the common denominator because I chose to be.  I allowed many things to go on because I didn't address them in the proper fashion.  Those issues were Goliath in my life and I felt defeated.  Then one day, I decided I was done with it.  I asked the question Goliath who?  I found my David.  I found my strength in my voice and in my actions.

The problem with being Goliath is the fall.  You fall hard because you're big and overpowering but lack the stability mentally and emotionally.  Until you are able to address what your truths are and unmask every part of you . .you will always be a victim of defeat.  Some can't allow others to see into their truth because they want a cheerleading section of dysfunction.  They need to be the victim; otherwise there is no attention given.  Mind you . .it's attention that is not helpful in their growth . . but that's neither here nor there.  The goal is to function in dysfunction as "normal" as possible.  Nothing is normal about not knowing or acknowledging you are wrong in a situation.  If you're always justifying what is not . . you will always be Goliath.

David was small and just a boy.  What he did have was emotional stamina.  He was able to strategically figure out how to overcome defeat.  It had nothing to do with strength.  It was all about getting into Goliath's head so that he could overpower him.  You have to be able to get into your own head to beat Goliath at his own game.  Stop allowing people to dictate your happiness by their inadequacies. BE DAVID as you empower yourself while yelling Goliath who?  Know your worth and justify your existence to those who already accept you for who you are and not what they want you to be.  Goliath who?

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG:  @channelingtequila

Lions, Tigers & Snares . . Oh My!

This week has been one of the hardest I've had in a long time.  As readers are aware, I have been preparing to go through the divorce process for quite some time . .as in almost three years.  Well that day came on this past Monday.  The very first hearing.  It's something about that you are never really prepared for.  It literally feels as if you are preparing for a funeral.  It as lonely, it was scary and most of all it was unf'nbelieveable.  If you really wanna know a person, sleeping with them won't get you there. . .court will however! Of course you want specifics, but since I'm not that girl . .and it's still under judiciary advisement I will give you this much ⇊

In all my years of education, student loan owing life have I ever encountered the real meaning of true colors until this week. If I've never learned anything in this life...this week has taught me that all zebras have stripes and if you encounter one without them...it's a horse! If I don't sit my Love and Basketball, Eat Pray Love, Iyanla Vanzant Fix My Own Damn Life, black love wanna be having ass down somewhere I better!  Now you can use ALLLLLLL of your imagination to figure out how things went once the stenographer got to typing. It's was like I was having an out of body experience and asking "who is that?" Obviously I am comfortable in a courtroom setting since I do it everyday, but nothing could have prepared me for the Twilight Zone.  One of my favorite memes on Facebook is "People will straight disrespect you and then act confused when you don't wanna f*%$ with them anymore."  Lions, Tigers & Snares. . .Oh My!

A little smidgen of my truth is when the judge asked if I was (insert government name) I began to sob like a baby . .uncontrollably.  I thought I was ready for this moment.  Hell I cried getting dressed.  I cried getting into the car.  I cried and prayed on the way to the hearing.  I cried walking up the stairs and while waiting.  I did NOT know all of those emotions would come flooding like that all at once. But it happened and it happened for the whole courtroom to see and hear.  I'm sure the court record reflects "sobbing uncontrollably" as the official record once it's all said and done.  I needed that.  I needed that moment in time.  Let me tell you all this . . .if I wasn't sure . . .I am now. #dealsealed

I went to my therapy appointment a few days after and I was told that she has never met anyone like me in all her 40 years of being in therapy.  I mean, this we know!  She said to me you have the biggest heart, faith, unwavering loyalty to a fault and love for this man that he will never be able to see because he's afraid to. Yes, you guys have been through hell and back; and no one person is at fault because many times you have been able to rebuild and refocus.  It was that initial breakdown in trust many many years ago that caused this so many years later.  The foundation was cracked from the beginning. Nothing can survive on cracked foundation for long.  I took that to heart. It feels like a funeral because you're burying who you fell in love with all those years earlier and those are the memories you have held on to and will continue to.  You made beautiful babies, bought homes, graduated from college, all things that are monumental.  No one gets married to prepare to get divorced.  Now we, therapist and I, have been together off and on for about eight years.  So she has the diary if you ever wanna know anything.  I tell it all . . .my side . . .his side. . . my dirt . . .his dirt. . .my good . . .his good; otherwise what's the use of going to therapy to lie?  Makes no sense if you're truly about healing!  You have to unmask in order to see who you really are.  That is, if you're truly about change and not being a victim.

Just know that the enemy comes to kill . . .steal . . .and destroy. He has one job and he's good at it.  That can only happen if you allow it.  Stay true to your faith and yourself. Hold on to everything you have mentally and emotionally in order to get to the next phase.  Never allow someone else to write your story without your permission. Something special about a woman who overcomes everything that's meant to destroy her.  I've been fighting for life ever since I left the womb, so today is no different.  Lions, Tigers & Snares . . .Oh My!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,


LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG:  @channelingtequila

Is It Just Me?

We all go through things and that's a part of life. At that time you can't help but wonder...Is it just me? Feelings of disbelief, overwhelming guilt and/or shame, helplessness and loneliness all seem to prevail in your thoughts. You really start to think Is it just me? Clearly and surely I must be the only one ever to go through this...whatever "this" is in your life.

We can't seem to figure out anything and rationalizing tends to go out the window. Right now I'm going through a season in my life that I can not even begin to explain where my mind is...going...or will end up. It's scary, lonely and pretty much has me paralyzed in a sense. All my emotions are in shambles. I honestly don't know if I'm coming or going.

To be totally candid and transparent, just this week I felt myself treading down that road to depression again. I had to quick pull it together and stay focused. I haven't allowed myself to feel emotion in so long because I didn't want to feel anything that would allow me to care. Been there and done that. Putting up that wall has helped me to get to this place.

What is this place? Well I'm still figuring it out. Some have asked what can I do to support you? Hell I don't know but when I figure it out I'll be sure to let you know. I've never been here so I don't know what I need from anyone other than time and space. My usual coping mechanism.

Is it just me? Or do you too feel the same way when you're going through whatever? What do you do to cope?

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila

The Beauty of A Cracked Soul

The Beauty of A Cracked Soul can never fit into a mold.  The energy flows so freely there's no way it can ever be contained.  The best of the best remain.  You tried to strip me of my being.  Much to your dismay. . .it was freeing.  Swaying in the wind and blowing afar.  It was you that inflicted this scar.  You pretend that your part is so obsolete. When in reality you are the one that my soul defeats.

The Beauty of A Cracked Soul is something that could never be tamed.  You attempted to cage an animal that was meant to fly or it could go insane.  Everything that I gave you was never about me. You misinterpreted that thing called loyalty.  There's always two sides to every story, the problem is that you're so busy thirsting for the glory.  You'll never admit your wrongdoing and it's fine because we already know.  Not just us . .but even the ones that said "see I told you so."

The Beauty of A Cracked Soul continues to be what we share.  Funny thing is, you don't seem to care.  Pushing, pulling and running away, that's your view of what it is to be okay.  Nothing is sane about that behavior.  You're escape from the obvious doesn't make you anyone's savior.  Pretending to be something you're not is quite amusing to say the least.  It's sad how that very thing has awakened your inner beast.

The Beauty of A Cracked Soul is all I have left.  You took everything I thought I once possessed and stripped me of the rest.  My dignity, sanity and my inner peace.  Lucky for the both of us . . I did what I did not for you, but for me.  Everything you said I couldn't be or do.  I thank you for planting that seed too.  Without your blessing I seemed to flourish and grow.  The Beauty of A Cracked Soul you'll never know.

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB:  Channeling Tequila Page
IG:  @channelingtequila

It's ok to NOT know!

There's this crazy thing called life that happens to us.  We are here to navigate through it with no road map or direction other than our moral compasses.  And . . lets face it . . it's not always going the right direction. Sitting here typing this blog, never in a million years would I have imagined that THIS very thing would be happening in my life . . but it is.  I never dreamt that I would suffer from depression, suicidal ideations, divorce . . none of that . . but hey it happened.  I'm saying all this to say, it's OK to NOT know what it is you are doing, going or will end up.

Life throws us curve balls all the time.  There are three things that we can do in life when curve balls are coming.  What are they you ask?  Well thank you for asking!!  First and foremost, you can duck!  Yea although this seems like the logical answer, it's unrealistic.  If we always knew it was coming, there would be no room to learn and grow from that incident.  Secondly, you can get hit by that curve ball.  Another no brainer . . however what are the chances you'll get back up and keep it moving?  Slim to none pretty much because we love a pity party whether it's brief or not . .that could keep us floored.  Finally, we can catch it!  YESSSSS . .catch it!  Jump high, get low, turn to the side, or hit the dirt catching it.  Either way . . you are taking control of what you can control in that moment.  It's OK to NOT know which way things will go, but what are you doing about it RIGHT NOW?

I can only speak for myself when I say that I am a person that like to be prepared for the what if.  Now mind you it hardly ever goes as I have prepared, but hey I feel like I'm on top of things.  Through all the trials and tribulations I have gone through in the past years of my life, I had to learn that it's OK to NOT know how things will end.  Just do what you can.  Hell if you can't do anything . .don't.  Only worry about things that are in your immediate control.  It's less stress . . less drama . .less EVERYTHING!  I can not begin to tell you how vigorating this feels!!  When you arrive .. you will know it! 

#findYOURhappy and know that the decisions you make are for the best!  Your best. . .and your family's best!  Be decisive and not indecisive.  That causes confusion which will yes . . .interrupt your happy!  Be sure to LOVE yourself more than anyone else.  It's not selfish . .it's responsible.  If you can't love yourself the way you want to be loved . . there's no way in hell you will be able to love someone else the way they desire or deserve to be loved.  It's ok to NOT know how thing will play out.  Just know that you're the main character in YOUR story so go ROCK THE HELL out of BROADWAY!!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG:  @channelingtequila

When Loving You Became My Death Row

There is nothing more painful than the process of separation and/or divorce.  No matter how you try to spin it, there is still a loss factor that happens.  Whether you were ready or not for either to happen . . it happened and its equivalent to death.  Literally a part of you has died.  You're continually waiting on the inevitable to happen which keeps you locked up emotionally and quite frankly physically.  I personally equate this feeling with death row.  You're waiting and waiting for your demise not knowing if when the date comes it will actually happen or not. 

When you love someone or commit yourself to them, you never know what's going to happen in the long run.  Hell sometimes even in the short run.  All you are wishing for is the best out of the situation. You don't expect that one day things will come to an end prior to that whole "until death do us part" that you so eloquently repeated during your wedding day.  Even if you're not married, you made a commitment to one another of monogamy so that's what you expect.  Again, waiting in limbo for the unexpected to happen.

Many of us give all we can in relationships and it will never be enough.  Let me tell you why.  You can never fulfill someone else's expectation of what and who you should be to them.  I remember speaking with a young lady and she said that she did everything her spouse wanted her to do and he still cheated.  They worked through it and got back together.  Lo and behold . .you guessed it . . he cheated again.  She couldn't understand why because she did everything he asked her to do.  His reasoning was because he wasn't getting the attention he needed from her.  I quite frankly had to tell her, once she asked of course, that's not the reason he cheated.  He cheated because he wanted to.  If attention is what was missing and you've already been in this rodeo before, that would have been the thing to be worked on that last two . . oops three times . . .that happened.  Each time there was a new "reason" for him cheating.  Finally, she cheated.  The trust was gone as much as she tried to hang in there and believe she could move forward . . .each time . . .that first time interrupted everything that was to come afterwards in that relationship.  She continually waited to see what would happen next.  She was on death row.  Without trust . . .there is no relationship.  You can love from a distance!

Often times, we are blamed or blame ourselves for things that others make conscious decisions to do.  Stop lying to yourself and others behind the reasons why you do the things you do.  You did it because you wanted to do it. POINT . .BLANK . .PERIOD.  No one can make you do anything outside of distress which could end in death. We place ourselves in predicaments based on choice.  You can choose at any point and time to NOT go through with something which will alter the outcome of everything else that will come after that decision is made. 

When Loving You Became My Death Row I knew I had to do something about it.  My hand was finally forced to make a decision that my heart hasn't been ready for; but it had to happen. We're told to follow our hearts at the same time following our heart will continue to keep you imprisoned if there is no change in a positive direction for all parties involved.  I can honestly say that although I have never been a saint, I have a big heart and I have always given it.  I go above and beyond to help people with that same expectation foolishly.  I'm a work in progress and still finding my way through this crazy thing called divorce and life after it happens.

#findYOURhappy

With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder

FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG:  @channelingtequila

Men Are Like Worker Ants! Women Are Like Caterpillars!

If you've ever sat and watched an ant pile, ant mold, ant hill . .whatever you grew up calling them, you will see that there are many ants moving about.  Coming and going up the hill, down the hill, some pulling things (mostly food), some pushing things into and onto the compound.  The one thing that you don't see is them stop moving.  You know why?  These are worker ants.  They are designed to WORK!  Men are just like this.  Well let me say that MOST men are like worker ants.  Generalizing could get me into alot of unwanted discussion lol! Yes there is a Queen Bee in control of it all.  How I love a bad bitch . .but she has one job and that's to direct the worker ants. 

Men work and work and work.  They were bred to provide for the family so it's innate within most men to do this.  It comes without a second thought and it just happens.  As fabulous as this is for the economy and financial stability (hopefully) it also can be a distraction from what is really going on at home.  Most often times when men are working, they are solely focused on what they are doing.  Yes they will come and go in the family structure but working is the primary goal.  Of course, I'm not an expert so this is all my interpretation . .from my experiences.  Because they are focused on working they lack in other areas and it becomes a struggle in the home life.  Key moments in the family are missed like dinner with the family, recreational time, sporting events if kids are involved and pretty much any socializing with the family.  Yes and no when it comes to fault. Let me tell you why!  He is responsible for providing for the family financially; however he also is responsible for providing a sense of security in the household that goes well beyond finances.  Women need to be shown affection! I know this is BREAKING NEWS to many, but it's necessary in order to keep a relationship in good standing.  So imma need the worker ants to put in just as much work at home as they do on the job.  That same attention to detail is needed in a relationship.  That is . .IF you want to keep it!

Now we get to the caterpillars! How exciting . .right!!??  One would think that this is not interesting at all. Women are like caterpillars!  We go through alot to get to our transformation.  A process of true metamorphosis happens.  When a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, they not only look different, they also behave differently.  Women grow up . .most women . .much faster than men.  The reason why is because we are born to nurture.  Just like men are born to provide, we also have a specific duty to the family. . to nurture.  Yes we often nurture the children, but our men also need to be nurtured.  They have to be encouraged to be their best selves and we are the ones to do that.  No man wants to come home to a woman that puts them down and nags all the time.  It also goes the other way as well.  We cook, clean, take care of the household and have it running like a fine tuned automobile.  It's hard work but we make it look easy as hell.  You know why?  Because again it's innate.  We get shit done . .bottom line!  Just like the hard work a caterpillar is put through in order to emerge or transform into a butterfly is no pretty sight; yet and still the transformation and the end result is pure beauty.

Maturity comes in different phases.  With each phase you will go through trials and tribulations in order to get to the next phase.  The more you mature, the more you begin to recognize and understand why you do certain things or change certain things.  When there is no growth . .there is no maturity.  You become stagnant and stanky!  Yep you heard it here first!  If you're stagnant . .you're stanky!  You are not evolving into your best self.  You have to keep moving in order to experience maturity.  It does NOT come with age sadly.  It does however come with experience.  Each moment we experience something . .rather negative or positive . .it plays a part in our maturity levels rising.  It's up to you on what you do with your levels.  The only time you are not maturing is when you die.  Accept that life happens and there will be changes.  Will you move with life or will you become stagnant and stanky?  The choice is yours!  Men Are Like Worker Ants!  Women Are Like Caterpillars!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG: @channelingtequila

Girl Stop!

IT never ceases to amaze me how our minds will take us back to what we THINK we can fix so we play over and over again in our heads a strategy.  A strategy that makes illogical things logical; therefore we just know it will all work out this time.  That whole insanity definition of continuing to do the same things and expecting a different result applies right here! Your expectation is not that of another. We want so badly to fix things that don't involve us AT ALL!! GIRL STOP!

You can not make someone do what they do NOT want to do.  It just won't happen.  We will sure try to make it happen because that's what we do.  We believe in things happening decent and in order when we ALL know the shit is dysfunctional and ain't nothing functional about it.  Yet we will justify, lie, cheat and steal to prove our point of it was/is all working.  In our tiny world and inkling of thought at the moment . .we desperately want things to work out for the good . .everyone's good.  GIRL STOP!

In my Lauren Hill voice "it ain't working".  The same energy we manifested into the facade of things are working out for everyone is the same energy we have to put into walking away and healing ourselves.  You can not walk into a burning building and not expect to be at least scorched.  Every time you think "oh yea that's it . .here we go" that's the very moment you must redirect your thought process to GIRL STOP!  Do you honestly think when David walked out the Lion's Den he was saying "oh let me go back in here since I was delivered untouched".  UMMM . .GIRL STOP!

Not only have we been touched .. we have been taunted, shamed, emotionally and mentally been abused.  In some cases physically abused.  There are many many attempts to leave an abusive relationship and when that one moment of clarity with freedom attached to it happens .. no matter what form of abuse . .YOU GO!  Don't run back for fear of turning into a pillar of salt like Lot's wife.  If it's meant for you to have it . .YOU WILL!  You can't force what doesn't fit.  I don't care how you shave it down . .tie it up . .push pull and prod . .GIRL STOP!

There has to be reciprocity and if there isn't . .we have to do it for ourselves.  Take care of you first and the rest will fall into place.  Don't allow other people, places, things and circumstances to define your happy!  GIRL STOP!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR WILSON, Founder

FB: Channeling Tequila Page

IG:  @channelingtequila

Doormats & Dishrags

Most of us have either owned a doormat or at least heard of a doormat.  It's a pretty simple gadget that's placed by the doorway and you wipe your feet as you enter and as you leave.  If you live in MN, that doormat can get pretty nasty from all the snow and slush day in and day out in the winter months.  If you live in a place where there is alot of sand or dirt, again the doormat can get pretty nasty from the continuous build up of dirt.  In the Urban Dictionary, a doormat is defined as "somebody who is always walked over."  We have all known someone who is deemed a doormat.  Hell it might just be you!  Or even me!  There comes a time when that "kill them with kindness" cliche' has to be set by the wayside.  People will use you until the breath is sucked out!  They will doormat the hell out of you if you allow it.  Now, let's just be honest here we will not always know we are a doormat; but guess what?  The person walking all over you and wiping the shit from the bottom of their shoes on you . .know exactly what you are. Some may even be guilty in the aspect of being that person who walked all over someone.  If that's you, STOP IT!  Let me tell you why you should STOP IT.  You reap what you sow.  Karma is one bad bitch and if you are in the business of using people, walking over them, treating them as your inferior . . STOP IT! There is no time like the present to change your ways.  You may think you're getting even, coming up or someone owes you something because of your situation but at the end of the day you come out with close to nothing or with nothing at all.  Is your worth that low that you feel the need to do people wrong?  Give them false hope?  Use them for whatever until you get what you want?  Do right by people.  It's really not that hard!

Moving right along to dishrags!  I would hope that we all know what a dishrag is; but just in case you don't . .us Southern people call the towel that we wash dishes with . .a dishrag.  Ok see I was going to talk about the Urban Dictionary definition . .but uh . .we will just keep moving forward.  Look that up on your own . .LOL!  As far as this discussion goes, I'm going to talk about how after we wash the dishes, we wring out all the water.  In the South, the vernacular is "wrung out".  One thing for certain and for sure, you can not adequately dry dishes with a wet dishrag.  Why is that you ask?  Well it's quite simple .. the dishes will still be wet.  You have to wring all the water out of the dishrag in order to achieve the goal of drying the dishes.  It's the same thing when you're dealing with toxic people in your life.  As long as you allow them to keep rubbing their toxins on you or your life, you will never be able to move forward into your destiny.  You have to hold on tight, twist and turn that relationship . .whatever it may be . .in order to wring the toxins out.  I remember trying to do this in my last relationship.  Lord I tell you I tried to wring the life out of the toxicity that was intertwined and it just didn't happen.  I tried holding on to something that was no longer there as long as I could. I wanted it to be fixed so badly, but the reality was me wanting it wasn't enough.  Now, the other party might beg to differ due to the circumstances that evolved; however that's none of my business.  I can only elaborate on what I know I was doing. The only thing I did was invite more toxins into my life.  I was literally fighting against demons in order to keep my sanity and wring out my dishrag.  I finally came to terms after much begging . .I am not ashamed to say because it's my testimony . . this dishrag was no longer usable.  When you don't properly clean a dishrag . .with bleach might I add . .I'm from the South . .it will begin to stank. YES stank . .not stink.  It begins to acquire a slimy film over it and the pungent odor is too much.  Welp . .once that happens . .there's no wringing out . .it goes straight into the trashcan.  That's exactly what happened to my relationship.  The slimy, pungent film began to take over the dishrag and we all know how that ended.  Now if you don't know. . I need you to start from the beginning of my blog writing in December 2017 . . that should get you up to speed!

I will end this with two very important things. . if you get nothing else from this week's blog . .get this . .Do right by people AND Love yourself more than anything else.  IF you can do those two very important things, you will live a blessed, healthy, stress free, carefree and loving life.  You are definitely on the way to #findYOURhappy!

With Love

LR Wilson, Founder
IG: @channelingtequila
FB:  Channeling Tequila

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Thank you for reading every week.  I am truly BLESSED!

Emotionally Unavailable

When you just can not take one more damn thing in your life emotionally . . you become emotionally unavailable!  I was that person!  Going through the drama of my dissipating marriage I became unavailable in every aspect of life.  My kids were put on the back burner, my job was put on the back burner, yet somehow the employment gods blessed me with a team that held me up through everything, and all other relationships I was yes . .unavailable physically and emotionally.

What does it really mean to be emotionally unavailable? It simply means you become evasive,  make up excuses, or don't talk about how you truly feel in a relationship. I was all of that!  Whenever I would try to talk about something . . I dreaded the response of no response.  I also dreaded having to hear about all the other times and past things that happened in the relationship.  I absolutely can NOT stand the fact that the past is continually brought up in the present!  Let the past stay in the past and move one.  Okay so let me have this moment . . I understand that people do things .. we all do things that are sometimes unpleasant to either ourselves or someone else; however you can not call the kettle black when you're the pot that is just as black!  When someone continually talks about the past . .they have not either forgiven you, themselves or quite simply they want you to be just as miserable as they are . .although they will not EVER admit that.  Now we can move on . . WOOSAH!

I read an article entitled "Is Being Emotionally Unavailable Holding You Back?" (2015) by Rachel Nussbaum, and Elisabeth Mandel, a relationship therapist in Manhattan stated that "on the surface, emotionally unavailable people can appear to be very stable, "But if you can tell they are resisting changing emotional states, or they don’t have a lot of range, then there’s something threatening to them about emotions." Although emotional unavailability is often depicted as someone whose life is falling apart (hello, Trainwreck), it is ultimately about control. "It's sort of a protection or defense from feeling hurt," says Megan Fleming, Ph.D., a sex and relationship therapist. Emotionally unavailable folks are fiercely independent: They may not feel like they need anyone. To protect themselves from rejection, Fleming says these individuals retreat to their island of restricted emotions. But when someone cuts off half the spectrum of their emotional range, it comes at the cost of joy, excitement, and depth of connection in relationships."

YESS YESS YESSS . .that is it! I was losing control!  I lost control over my life, my marriage, my family, my self worth, my being!  I was indeed Emotionally Unavailable!  I was checked out of life.  I'm use to being in control of everything and making everything work for everybody.  I didn't have time to be Emotionally Unavailable . .I just didn't!  But I was!  It was my party and I cried if I wanted to . . and I do mean cried . . ALOT!

The only way to become Emotionally AVAILABLE is to combat things head on! You have to own your truth, accept your truth, forgive your truth and MOVE FORWARD!  The top warning signs of identifying you are Emotionally Unavailable are 1) You're Overly Critical; 2) You Keep Things (really) Light; and 3) You Blame Others.  Now to the resolution phase!!! 1) Deepen relationships with friends and family; 2) Change your social scenery; 3) Distract yourself and 4) Face it head on. These were spot on from the article!! Quite frankly . .I would move number four to number one! You have to be able to face things in order to 1) know they exist; 2) define why they exist and 3) work on becoming whole!

Ask yourself . . .are you Emotionally Unavailable?  Never mind the reasons why right now . .you have to identify your status first in order to deal with things effectively.  What are you doing about it?  

With that said . .I have one favor to ask of each reader. Please follow . .post to your social media . .

I never knew that my blogs touched so many people and  I want to make sure that I can do all I can to continue to help people heal by getting my story out there!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB:  Channeling Tequila
IG:  @channelingtequila