There is nothing more painful than the process of separation and/or divorce. No matter how you try to spin it, there is still a loss factor that happens. Whether you were ready or not for either to happen . . it happened and its equivalent to death. Literally a part of you has died. You're continually waiting on the inevitable to happen which keeps you locked up emotionally and quite frankly physically. I personally equate this feeling with death row. You're waiting and waiting for your demise not knowing if when the date comes it will actually happen or not.
When you love someone or commit yourself to them, you never know what's going to happen in the long run. Hell sometimes even in the short run. All you are wishing for is the best out of the situation. You don't expect that one day things will come to an end prior to that whole "until death do us part" that you so eloquently repeated during your wedding day. Even if you're not married, you made a commitment to one another of monogamy so that's what you expect. Again, waiting in limbo for the unexpected to happen.
Many of us give all we can in relationships and it will never be enough. Let me tell you why. You can never fulfill someone else's expectation of what and who you should be to them. I remember speaking with a young lady and she said that she did everything her spouse wanted her to do and he still cheated. They worked through it and got back together. Lo and behold . .you guessed it . . he cheated again. She couldn't understand why because she did everything he asked her to do. His reasoning was because he wasn't getting the attention he needed from her. I quite frankly had to tell her, once she asked of course, that's not the reason he cheated. He cheated because he wanted to. If attention is what was missing and you've already been in this rodeo before, that would have been the thing to be worked on that last two . . oops three times . . .that happened. Each time there was a new "reason" for him cheating. Finally, she cheated. The trust was gone as much as she tried to hang in there and believe she could move forward . . .each time . . .that first time interrupted everything that was to come afterwards in that relationship. She continually waited to see what would happen next. She was on death row. Without trust . . .there is no relationship. You can love from a distance!
Often times, we are blamed or blame ourselves for things that others make conscious decisions to do. Stop lying to yourself and others behind the reasons why you do the things you do. You did it because you wanted to do it. POINT . .BLANK . .PERIOD. No one can make you do anything outside of distress which could end in death. We place ourselves in predicaments based on choice. You can choose at any point and time to NOT go through with something which will alter the outcome of everything else that will come after that decision is made.
When Loving You Became My Death Row I knew I had to do something about it. My hand was finally forced to make a decision that my heart hasn't been ready for; but it had to happen. We're told to follow our hearts at the same time following our heart will continue to keep you imprisoned if there is no change in a positive direction for all parties involved. I can honestly say that although I have never been a saint, I have a big heart and I have always given it. I go above and beyond to help people with that same expectation foolishly. I'm a work in progress and still finding my way through this crazy thing called divorce and life after it happens.
#findYOURhappy
With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder
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IG: @channelingtequila
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