Lions, Tigers & Snares . . Oh My!

This week has been one of the hardest I've had in a long time.  As readers are aware, I have been preparing to go through the divorce process for quite some time . .as in almost three years.  Well that day came on this past Monday.  The very first hearing.  It's something about that you are never really prepared for.  It literally feels as if you are preparing for a funeral.  It as lonely, it was scary and most of all it was unf'nbelieveable.  If you really wanna know a person, sleeping with them won't get you there. . .court will however! Of course you want specifics, but since I'm not that girl . .and it's still under judiciary advisement I will give you this much ⇊

In all my years of education, student loan owing life have I ever encountered the real meaning of true colors until this week. If I've never learned anything in this life...this week has taught me that all zebras have stripes and if you encounter one without them...it's a horse! If I don't sit my Love and Basketball, Eat Pray Love, Iyanla Vanzant Fix My Own Damn Life, black love wanna be having ass down somewhere I better!  Now you can use ALLLLLLL of your imagination to figure out how things went once the stenographer got to typing. It's was like I was having an out of body experience and asking "who is that?" Obviously I am comfortable in a courtroom setting since I do it everyday, but nothing could have prepared me for the Twilight Zone.  One of my favorite memes on Facebook is "People will straight disrespect you and then act confused when you don't wanna f*%$ with them anymore."  Lions, Tigers & Snares. . .Oh My!

A little smidgen of my truth is when the judge asked if I was (insert government name) I began to sob like a baby . .uncontrollably.  I thought I was ready for this moment.  Hell I cried getting dressed.  I cried getting into the car.  I cried and prayed on the way to the hearing.  I cried walking up the stairs and while waiting.  I did NOT know all of those emotions would come flooding like that all at once. But it happened and it happened for the whole courtroom to see and hear.  I'm sure the court record reflects "sobbing uncontrollably" as the official record once it's all said and done.  I needed that.  I needed that moment in time.  Let me tell you all this . . .if I wasn't sure . . .I am now. #dealsealed

I went to my therapy appointment a few days after and I was told that she has never met anyone like me in all her 40 years of being in therapy.  I mean, this we know!  She said to me you have the biggest heart, faith, unwavering loyalty to a fault and love for this man that he will never be able to see because he's afraid to. Yes, you guys have been through hell and back; and no one person is at fault because many times you have been able to rebuild and refocus.  It was that initial breakdown in trust many many years ago that caused this so many years later.  The foundation was cracked from the beginning. Nothing can survive on cracked foundation for long.  I took that to heart. It feels like a funeral because you're burying who you fell in love with all those years earlier and those are the memories you have held on to and will continue to.  You made beautiful babies, bought homes, graduated from college, all things that are monumental.  No one gets married to prepare to get divorced.  Now we, therapist and I, have been together off and on for about eight years.  So she has the diary if you ever wanna know anything.  I tell it all . . .my side . . .his side. . . my dirt . . .his dirt. . .my good . . .his good; otherwise what's the use of going to therapy to lie?  Makes no sense if you're truly about healing!  You have to unmask in order to see who you really are.  That is, if you're truly about change and not being a victim.

Just know that the enemy comes to kill . . .steal . . .and destroy. He has one job and he's good at it.  That can only happen if you allow it.  Stay true to your faith and yourself. Hold on to everything you have mentally and emotionally in order to get to the next phase.  Never allow someone else to write your story without your permission. Something special about a woman who overcomes everything that's meant to destroy her.  I've been fighting for life ever since I left the womb, so today is no different.  Lions, Tigers & Snares . . .Oh My!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,


LR Wilson, Founder
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