When the Yoke Broke

As puzzling as it may be let me first explain this blog post has absolutely nothing to do with cooking eggs sunnyside up! It also has nothing to do with cooking eggs over easy. Quite frankly it has nothing to do with eggs period! Because if it did, it would be spelled yolk! Moment of silence for those who had that confusion most of their lives and was just given clarity! But honey let me tell you...not even I can pinpoint When the Yoke Broke!

The academia definition of the word yoke in the verb tense is "couple" or "attach with". That is the definition that will be used for the purpose of this post. Now that everyone is up to speed...I need to let you know that I have been thinking, assessing, doing do overs in my mind, questioning when and where did the breakdown in my marriage occur? At what point did we get to When the Yoke Broke?

Was it broke before we even got married? Did it happen in the first, second, fifth year? What caused it? Is there anything I could have done to stop it? You know I'm a fix it type of person so it would've been in my psyche to make things right....had I known the answers to the questions posed. Then I say "self there is nothing or no one that could've prepared you or told you this would be the outcome." Hell I got questions! Yes...I am aware that is grammatically incorrect; however it needed to be said just like that so you can feel what I'm feeling through the words on this page.

For many years I blamed myself solely for the demise that happened in my marriage. The reality is that it wasn't just me. It was everything that consumed me. I loved this man with all my being. The funny thing is everyone could see it, but him. I continually found myself trying to prove my love to him. It happened through my words, my gifts, my attention but it never seemed to be enough. I can't answer why that is because I was the one thinking it was enough. Some would argue that if you love someone you don't have an affair or cheat if you're not married. Well I mean arguably so there is some truth in that...partially. My truth is all that I am at liberty to share.

In my opinion the focus should be on why the affair or the cheating happened not whether or not you love the person. You can still love that person and be in love with them. The issue at hand is what's missing that allowed you to make the decision to step outside the relationship? Is it something that can be fixed? Are you willing to take on the responsibility of owning your own shit? Or the ultimate question are you so broken that option is off the table?? Get to the root of it all. Be transparent! Defining When the Yoke Broke is the key!

I can honestly say that pinpointing When the Yoke Broke is like looking for a needle in a haystack when it comes to the demise of not only my marriage but the relationship as a whole. This was my friend, my confidant, my earthly provider, my security, father of my children, traveling partner, drinking partner, act silly partner, lazy love. He was my everything! When I tell y'all I loved this man...I loved this man. Thinking about it makes me sad because there was so much we were to do together but God saw fit that it was not so.

This whole ordeal has really changed the way I process for sure. Pretty much anything that resembles a relationship, I have successfully dodged by choice. Well first and foremost my divorce isn't final; but most importantly is that I'm not ready or even know if ever I will be able to love anyone other than myself intimately again. The work I had to do mentally and emotionally to get to where I am today will not be in vain. Who's to say that one day it might happen, but I'm not counting on it...for sure. Before you get to analyzing me as giving him the power...that's not the issue. I just refuse to love anyone else more than I love myself again and therefore I know that I can depend on me and I trust that I will never hurt myself. Yea and I'm ok with that. With that said, I'll keep hope alive but it definitely won't be my focus. It very well could happen. I know not the plans of God. I mean if I did, I'm pretty sure this blog would be something very different.

Whoever is reading this in contemplation stage, pinpoint When the Yoke Broke and do what's best for YOU. The rest will fall into place. Unidentified or untreated emotional trauma is real. Until you can deal with you...the REAL YOU...everything else is obsolete. Take the mask off and face the person in the mirror so that your healing can happen from the inside out.

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR WILSON, FOUNDER
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