Searching for Wholeness

What does it truly mean to be "whole"? This is something I'm still trying to figure out. It's like an neverending story that continues to evolve or fall back every time I THINK I'm getting to where I need to be in order to feel whole. I'm searching for something but I can't quite put my finger on it. Each day a new "whole" emerges and I start the cycle all over again trying to get there. I've come to the conclusion that it's not about my job or my daily interactions in life. It's more about filling a void that I haven't quite figured out.

Being whole can encompass alot of things and many different things for different people. Mine is more emotional wholeness. I've been told over the last week that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. As hard as I am outside, I'm a mess on the inside. I go straight to survival and repair mode when someone impales my emotional wall. Hell I start rebuilding what is broken the moment it hits my brain cells! I don't give anything time to linger. It's how I'm built. Resilience is my friend!

Back to the question of being whole. How does one even know they have arrived to wholeness? Does it ever happen? Will I just walk in circles continuously without ever getting to "whole"? These are questions that I need answers to. It's tiring walking around in repair mode all the time. I have big trust issues on top of everything. Hell you could tell me the sky is blue and I would ask why you're lying to me. Yes...everyone is suspect. As I type this, I've identified one void that must be filled...trust. I'm a work in progress so there ya go!

For years I've always taken care of everything placing my emotions on the back burner in order to accommodate others. At this point in my life I literally do not care if people walk out my life. It's what I've grown accustomed to so I cry and move right along as much as I know how. Now there are some that walk away and I could careless if they ever resurfaced on earth. Yes I'm that girl.

The best advice I can give myself right now is to just be patient....wholeness is coming. I'm very open to discussion about finding wholeness. What I'm not open to is someone's advice as it brings in religion. Yes I know God and yes I believe in Jesus Christ. Yes I know that through it all God provides everything we need. That's not what I'm looking for. If I wanted a sermon, I would go to church. I want real life dialogue from those who have been where I am. With that said....until next time #findyourhappy

With Love,

LR WILSON, FOUNDER
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com

Be Unforgettable

Later in the week I posted on social media "If I have absolutely no other skill...I have the skill of being UNFORGETTABLE 💞💞💞". Many of my friends and family agreed with this statement. Now before you think I'm out here gloating...please be advised that I am and there is no mistaken what you read lol! I have done alot of things and when I do them, I give 110% in order to make sure the job is done and done well. Perfect story...two years ago I my girlfriend scheduled a spa day for us in Nashville. My masseuse, Juan, oh my...sorry I digressed! He was so professional and so polite. He instructed me to undress to my level of comfort. I asked "what's your level of comfort because I'm about to get butt naked!" He smiled and stepped out like a gentleman as I changed. Once the massage began, which was heavenly, he asked if I wanted him to massage my glutes? I said "stop...you know I want you touching my ass!" He again was very professional and smiled. I caused an uproar in this quiet, peaceful and tranquil spa. All the women wanted Juan when I came out in bliss!! Well that was a beautiful damn massage and I proposed to him afterwards lol! Fast forward to yesterday, my girlfriend was back at that spa and he asked about me as well as the wedding date...lol! Be Unforgettable!

People always seem to remember the bad things you've done and the good things just go by the wayside. Never allow someone to define your shortcomings as your life story. Give them everything they asked for and more so that you will Be Unforgettable!

I look back over my life and the situationships I have been involved in. Hell even in those I have been yep Unforgettable! I have learned to bring the same energy you bring me. It took time for me to get to this place because I love peace in my life which allowed me to welcome a bunch of shit that I didn't have to. Now I can roll with conflict...but I prefer not to. I mean I am a warrior princess damnit so if you bring it...I'll finish it.

To Be Unforgettable you have to bring a certain swag to the game. Stop....you have to be the game! Allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone and experience life! There is no other way to say this. Let your life Be Unforgettable not only to others but for yourself. When you look back you can say "damn I did that!" If you did it right...others will say the same! As you know, we don't NEED the approval of others but we definitely WELCOME IT!

Now get out there and Be Unforgettable!

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder

FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com 

The Mindless Heart

🎶 "A heart is a house for love and I've learned that it don't take much to break" 🎶

If you don't hear nothing else today...hear this! The heart has a whole mind of it's own and most of the time it is not aligning with our brain! Yes I said it here first so that you and i can get some things straight. I would like to think that my I intelligence is somewhat high in normal circumstances but when that heart takes the place of your mind and things ain't...yes I said ain't...lining up, there's confusion!

Most recently I had a conversation with a really good friend and we came to the conclusion that the heart is the most powerful of all organs in the body. You simply can not live with it. Periodt! There's no way around it. As much as we try to lock that thing away after being hurt, it's like a damn `mogwai'! Those of you who have seen the movie Gremlins know what I'm talking about. Those of you who haven't...well 1) watch it and 2) shame on you lol! Anyway what happens is a shop owner sells a mogwai to a patron with the warning to never expose him to bright light, water, or to feed him after midnight they multiply and turn into Gremlins. Well that's how the heart is....
Once you start feeding it...at anytime...it begins to multiply.

My heart has been tucked away ever so carefully under a damn deadbolt with steel doors and 24 hour security...to no avail! Sometimes things just find a way of slipping through the cracks very unintentionally. Those are the things I am most worried about. Since my debacle, I've been very carefully orchestrating my exit so my heart is never involved again. As the days past and you're continually shown something that you either haven't experienced, long to experience or experienced it differently in your past and that's what you're not use to, you want to open your heart up more so you can get the whole package. I mean you should want to but there's that whole movie playing in the background of how things use to be.

You can't bring old furniture into a new house and expect things to look differently. That's where I am! I'm a work in progress trying to open myself up to things that don't require my whole heart, but it's hard and alot of work keeping that thing locked away. Then on top of that, I've turned into that girl that gives you zero chances if you fuck up! Like I'm done with chances. You knew what you were doing when you did it so I'm good. Hell now that I write that...I forsee a longstanding relationship with myself lol! Meh...I'm done compromising my happiness. Say what it is and that's how it is...done!

Well this has been eye opening I must say! So the bottom line is....protect your heart at all cost; however understand that you are the keeper of it and who you allow in and out is by YOUR CHOICE...not theirs!

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR WILSON, FOUNDER
FB PAGE: Channeling Tequila
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA
WEBSITE: Channelingtequila.blogspot.com 

What's Really Going On?

Has there ever been a time when you questioned what you were doing? Why you were doing something? What's your purpose for doing that something? Well if you haven't, wonderful! You are indeed unique! Not too long ago I questioned pretty much everything in my life. Sometimes I just have to step back and check in for myself.

This morning as I was walking around, I glanced on the fireplace mantel and saw my Masters Degree. I smiled! Then I read "Graduation with Distinction". For some reason I don't remember reading that at all when I received it. It's been almost five years since I received my graduate degree and although I have a day time job that is very fulfilling, I feel like I need more or need to do more! Anyone who knows me, truly know me, already is aware of how hard I go. So for me to feel like I need more or need to do more is probably insane on my part!

That brings me back to questioning what am I doing? Am I doing enough for not only others but for myself? I am longing for something; however I can't quite put my finger on what it is. Well financial freedom for one is a big thing for me and the more I do...the less I feel like I'm reaching that goal. Yes, things take time I understand that. At the same time I feel I'm behind on what is to be. I will be the first to tell you to live in the moment. I often do that! This moment, feels very different.

What's different? Other than the official paperwork for my divorce that happened...I'm not quite sure. Things I want aren't necessarily the things I need, yet as we all know that's how it goes! *Insert Spice Girls "give me what I want..what I really really want"! Each and every day I am responsible for the lives of others. On top of being responsible for my own life! That's alot of pressure for anybody but hey...make it happen!

Once I figure out what I'm missing....I shall be sure to let you all know! Hell if you figure out what I'm missing...please feel free to let me know! With all things I say to you #findyourhappy!

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA
WEBSITE: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM 

Guess What!!??

March is Women's History Month! Well as a woman...go figure...every month to me is in celebration. Here's why! We are a phenomenal breed! I love being a woman...with the exception of "happy time", I have no complaints. More than ever women are being recognized for their contributions to society. Guess what...you don't have to be "famous" to be recognized for your beauty, your intelligence, your sexiness, your POWER!

One of my sisters is very self conscious when it comes to being in public. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her, but she continually thinks about people looking at her. This makes her feel uncomfortable, unsure and anxious. Finally I said to her, "of course they are looking at you...you're famous". I said "stuff like that doesn't bother me because I don't care about what people think of me and you shouldn't either". Well that's easier said than done as I look at things from her point of view.

There will always be things in our lives that make us feel unsure about things. Life is made up of many puzzle pieces and in order to get a full picture of who we truly are, we must be willing to put the pieces together. Yes...there will be that moment when you try to force a piece of the puzzle to fit...and it won't because it doesn't go there.

This reminds me of when I wanted so badly to fix my marriage and I would've done just about anything to make that piece of the puzzle fit. Well clearly that piece didn't work out. The reason why it didn't work out is because that wasn't the puzzle I should've been working on. I had to work on me. It was my time!

I've been in a relationship since I was thirteen years old. I am forty-four now! That's alot of years of not being myself...putting everyone before myself...and not knowing myself. That was the life I chose at the time because I was looking for validation of who I am. Well I've found her!! It took alot of years, tears, disappointments, love and laughs to get here..but hunty I have ARRIVED! Take it or leave it. One of the realest posts I've ever posted on social media reads "once you have a taste of my energy you will always be thirsty". I promise that's all me and the truth! If nobody ever loves me again...I've found out that my love of self is what matters most! Happy Women's History Month! Go make your own legacy!!

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com 

Memory Don't Fail Me Now!

Earlier this week I had a conversation with someone that reminded me of all the things I did NOT want in my life ever again. I posted the following on social media:

"Every now and again you have that Ah Ha moment of remembrance. I'm here to let you know that it's not by chance or circumstance that you have it. That's to remind you of where you were...where you don't ever want to be again...where you are...and where you're going. Once you taste those magical seasonings called respect and appreciation...you NEVER want to go back to bland, superficial and artificial. There will always be teachable moments in our lives. It's up to you to do what you want with them!"

When I tell y'all how all the feelings of trauma...not victimization...but trauma came rushing over me...it was something I don't believe I've ever felt. It was literally like I suffered from PTSD. I very may have some of that; however at the same time I was awakened. It's crazy to me how we can sometimes treat people less than, then expect to be treated a different way. Stop putting things out into the universe that you're not ready to boomerang back.

I'm one of the nicest people I've ever met lol...but when I get to a point of disgust with a person and/or their behavior, "I'm gud luv..enjoy!" I promise I can act like you never existed in my life. Annnndddd still help you in need without hesitation...immediately resuming your nonexistence afterwards. Apologies are necessary whenever you truly want to be healed. Just like forgiveness, apologies aren't for the person that was hurt, it's for you!

In times like the ones above, I have to activate my Wonder Woman tiara skills. Yes, it's pretty and shiny but it's also a weapon. I tend to keep it ready at all times because you need to always be ready to cut down negativity in your life from all angles!

Remember to do right by people to the best of your ability and things will fall into place for you. Pride will kill the already dead!

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila
Web: channelingtequila.blogspot.com

Emotions

As I blasted the lyrics of Emotions by Destiny's Child on Valentine's Day..

"It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

Ooo baby
And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
Cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taken me over"

I would be lying and NOT transparent if I sat here and wrote something saying I wasn't caught up. Not so much in the relationship that I am no longer in...but just having that "acknowledgement" was more of the issue. Yes I received many Happy Valentine's Day text, instant messages, gifts, calls etc but it's just not the same as what I am use to. I can say that this year I did not cry so that's a victory in itself!

I received gifts from friends and even dinner with drinks. I cherish each of those things as well as the people. With that said.. something was missing....uh yea a real relationship! I did third wheel it with a couple..that was fun..but y'all know there is nothing like your own.

In time things will become the norm. I am blessed to have so many that love me everyday and V Day is just another day. I prefer love and GIFTS...stop...all year long. Those of you who did get the love you needed and desired as well as any gifts on your special day...CONGRATS! Enjoy and embrace every moment of it. Always remember the good times and the love that is shared.

Caught up in emotions....yep that was me. Annnndddd now we move forward.

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com