What does it truly mean to be "whole"? This is something I'm still trying to figure out. It's like an neverending story that continues to evolve or fall back every time I THINK I'm getting to where I need to be in order to feel whole. I'm searching for something but I can't quite put my finger on it. Each day a new "whole" emerges and I start the cycle all over again trying to get there. I've come to the conclusion that it's not about my job or my daily interactions in life. It's more about filling a void that I haven't quite figured out.
Being whole can encompass alot of things and many different things for different people. Mine is more emotional wholeness. I've been told over the last week that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. As hard as I am outside, I'm a mess on the inside. I go straight to survival and repair mode when someone impales my emotional wall. Hell I start rebuilding what is broken the moment it hits my brain cells! I don't give anything time to linger. It's how I'm built. Resilience is my friend!
Back to the question of being whole. How does one even know they have arrived to wholeness? Does it ever happen? Will I just walk in circles continuously without ever getting to "whole"? These are questions that I need answers to. It's tiring walking around in repair mode all the time. I have big trust issues on top of everything. Hell you could tell me the sky is blue and I would ask why you're lying to me. Yes...everyone is suspect. As I type this, I've identified one void that must be filled...trust. I'm a work in progress so there ya go!
For years I've always taken care of everything placing my emotions on the back burner in order to accommodate others. At this point in my life I literally do not care if people walk out my life. It's what I've grown accustomed to so I cry and move right along as much as I know how. Now there are some that walk away and I could careless if they ever resurfaced on earth. Yes I'm that girl.
The best advice I can give myself right now is to just be patient....wholeness is coming. I'm very open to discussion about finding wholeness. What I'm not open to is someone's advice as it brings in religion. Yes I know God and yes I believe in Jesus Christ. Yes I know that through it all God provides everything we need. That's not what I'm looking for. If I wanted a sermon, I would go to church. I want real life dialogue from those who have been where I am. With that said....until next time #findyourhappy
With Love,
LR WILSON, FOUNDER
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com
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