In Search of REASSURANCE

When I'm in need of reassurance in anything I will go into self defense mode. It's become my natural reaction since everything transpired in my previous marriage. I'm working on not self sabotaging things, yet at the same time being overly cautious is where my comfort lies. I'm a confident beautiful mixed soul when it comes to many things...except in a relationship. Like my therapist says..."you're waiting on the shoe to fall all the time". I had to agree because it's true. It's safe to say I have anxiety about being in a relationship. This wonderful diagnosis of relational anxiety has afforded me yes....more therapy! Now don't get me wrong, I love my middle aged white woman with black tendencies because she keeps shit real real with me! Yet I would love to be at a place in my life and relational that would allow me not to be in therapy. I've been with the same therapist off and on since 2010/2011 and she knows IT ALL! Welp...guess I'll be there until I'm kicked off this ride.

Self sabotaging is a real thing just in case some of you are questioning my very own reflection of myself. When I'm into someone or something I tend to throw myself into it. Once I begin to get comfortable my mind is going 10k miles an hour to try and find a way out because of my own insecurities. Just like I pep talked myself into it, I can pep talk myself out of it and put the wheels in motion faster than the winner of the Indy 500! I'm learning to just let things be. Enjoy the moment and live in the moment. It's work and I'm a work in progress.

I love the thought of love and embracing it. What I don't like about love is the uncertainty of it all. When I'm happy, I'm cautiously happy and that can cripple anything in place. Fortunately I have encountered someone who understands where I am and is willing to help navigate through it all. The process is long yet necessary and a lifelong one if you're ever planning to have peace in life. Allow yourself to experience your best self and allow your best self to be experienced. Live...love...live some more and laugh uncontrollably often.

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG: @channelingtequila
Web: channelingtequila.blogspot.com 

What You Want Ain't What You Need

Moving on from a longstanding relationship is hard. It doesn't matter if it was a good one or a bad one, either way when it's time to move on after it has ended there will be some reservation or hesitation. Often times when thinking of moving on, I am crippled with fear. Fear that it will not work out so just forget it. That has kept me captive from moving on to another relationship. I still have anxiety that things will not work out.

Then someone comes along who says all the right things. Does all the right things, yet and still I have reservations because of my own insecurities. Yes yes I know I can do anything and I'm a beacon of light when it comes to empowering others, but when it comes to this relationship thing, I'm just suspicious of everything. I'm trying to manage it all and give people benefit of doubt. I have zero problems with telling them I have trust issues and I have no plans on being in a relationship. Well sometimes our plans are not our own. I found myself longing for that afterall.

Hell I was once told that in order to get to what you need you have to let go of what you want. That's a deep statement. The reality is once you get what you need, it was everything you wanted and you don't even know it. My "type" was 6ft and over, 250 lbs and up with dark skin. That's all I was attracted to. I looked past everyone that didn't meet that "perfect for me" profile. Let me be the first to tell you that didn't work out for me. It wasn't until I started looking beyond my expectations that I saw what I truly needed. I know you're waiting for me to describe him...but naw imma leave this right here.

One of my favorite post on social media is "I'm single so if you see me with someone, mind your business. I'm doing interviews." People are quick to jump all in your kool aid with the flavor being wrong and the sugar missing. Understand that when I want people to know about my life, they will. I mean that's Captain Obvious hence the blog!

If you haven't found your "type", if I may suggest a solution, change your outlook. You may be missing out on what you need which is exactly what you want.

#findyourhappy

With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila
Web: channelingtequila.blogspot.com

Puzzled to Say the Least

Help me to understand why it's you I should choose

What makes you different from what I've already had? You're still just a man

You say all the right things and do everything you say you're going to do
I mean some things a girl is just not use to

Truths and no lies you say
Stop is there such a thing? Is there such a way? You and your wizardry is enticing to me
But I have questions you see
I'm puzzled to say the least

Help me to understand why it's you I should choose
What makes you different from what I've already had? You're still just a man

We have the same stories written in a different book
If we appeared in a mirror we would share the same look
I'm skeptical about what you bring to the table 

Not because you can't or not able
But I have questions you see
I'm puzzled to say the least

It's different for me just like it is for you
I guess we will let things do what they do
It's crazy how understanding this thing is such a beast
I'm puzzled to say the least

Sweet Dreams Collection

*I own the rights to this cited work*

#findyourhappy

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG: @channelingtequila
Web: channelingtequila.blogspot.com

I Want It All!

My soul was awakened when I heard India Arie's new song "Steady Love" featuring David Banner. I remember a time when I was so very much in love with my husband. Then all this other stuff happened. Through the years, although we had our ups and downs, my love for him never wavered. Now let's be real if nothing else...if you've ever had an affair or cheated or whatever you want to call it, there is a brief moment of "blindness" that occurs. Let me tell you why! Uh because you're blinded by the situation and what it has to offer. . .in the moment. Once the blinders are removed, you see a different perspective. .of EVERYTHING!

Steady Love made me feel like there is hope again to have that. It's honest, refreshing and feel good. I promised myself that I would just do me from now on. Love is too hard and too much work I said. I've shielded my heart, mind and soul from disappointment. Some of you are judging right now saying "well she had that and didn't keep it". The reality is no one knows what goes on behind closed doors unless you're there. I've been very transparent because it is part of my journey to heal. Until you can truly be honest with yourself about who you are...people will only see you as you are. MESSAGE!

Back to Steady Love! Yea so I want that in my life I think at times. Other times I do not want to be bothered with explanations or other people's issues. I definitely do not want to continue to compromise who I am in order to appease someone else's ego or existence. Now THAT will not happen. Being single is both a blessing and a dangerous curse. Once you know that you can do all that was done as a couple by yourself...babbbbbyyy let me tell you. Somebody in for a rude awakening! I will "bye" quicker than grits in boiling water! If you're from the South or know anything about cooking grits, you know what I'm talking about. If not....ummmmm....yea how about you just keep subscribing, sharing and posting my blog!

If you haven't heard Steady Love, check it out! "And then she had hope again!"

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR WILSON, FOUNDER
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA
WEB: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM 

Free Time is Always Me Time!

Sometime in life we need to step away from the hustle and bustle of life just to enjoy some free time that's only about ME TIME! As women, in general, most of us possess that magnificent skill of multitasking EVERYONE'S lives in order to keep things working like a fine tuned machine. We NEED to make time for ourselves in order to keep functioning at our very best.

Most recently my bestie love and I took a random let's just book it trip to Myrtle Beach. It was definitely needed for both of us to regroup and re-energize. We were so damn lazy we made a new Webster Dictionary definition. Lazy (adjective)...we ain't doing shit we don't want to do and don't have to! It was very relaxing and needed happen! Free time can always be me time if you make up your mind to make it happen.

Now listen, I'm not talking to those of you who DO NOT think twice about leaving your responsibility because lets face it...you're selfish. Yep I said it! Some people truly don't give a damn about others and they don't hesitate to LIVE THEIR BEST LIVES while putting other responsibilities on the back burner or completely dismiss them. I'm not that girl! I take care of business first and then I play. I work hard and play even harder when it's time.

Stop and take time for yourself. It's healthy! It's wholesome! It's pure! It's ALL LOVE! SELF LOVE 💞💞

#FINDYOURHAPPY

With Love,

LR WILSON, FOUNDER
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA
WEB: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM

Dinner and the Do!

So for the last year or so I have been on several "outings" with guys. I dare not call them dates because that what allude to the fact that I'm dating them and that is definitely not the case. Now that we have clarified that minor detail, I got questions! See I've been out the game for 20+ years and although I'm a quick learner, guys these days puzzle me!

For instance, I'm pretty straight forward about my expectations and furthermore what we will and won't be doing! In today's day and time...they ain't ready! I have absolutely zero problems letting them know "yes you can wine and dine me but we will not be Netflix and chilling!" I was having a conversation with some guys and they're take was if I buy you dinner we will be sleeping together. I said what the hell....for dinner? I am NOT that one love.

Hell I'm into numbers and alphabets at my age! 401K, IRA, credit scores, mortgage payments, car payments and such. Even when I was younger I was not that girl! Like why would you think we would be sleeping together because you bought me dinner?? I guess different strokes for different folks! Now let's get this perfectly clear, I'm not a gold digger but I am into gold if you hear what I'm saying. If you can't figure that out....you definitely are not in my lane.

I don't knock people for what they do because let's face it...I ain't no saint! I do however expect to be respected and you should too. Now if that's your thing...dinner and the do...do you. That's just not for me. Everything is not for everybody and that's ok. At the end of the day you are in control of what will and won't happen. Never be afraid of voicing what works for YOUR LIFE! They will either get on board or get out the way!

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR WILSON, FOUNDER
FB: CHANNELING TEQUILA PAGE
IG: @CHANNELINGTEQUILA
WEB: CHANNELINGTEQUILA.BLOGSPOT.COM

R&R

After some much needed R&R (reflection
revelation) time we are back!!! During this time, I've had the opportunity to look at my past behaviors and embrace the true meaning of reflection and revelation. I reflected upon how my actions allowed me to be where I am today. It was also revealed to me that this "place" I'm in is somewhere I never want to be again in life.

This "place" is not being in a relationship. My freedom is wonderful! I love not arguing...not being responsible or pressured to make someone else happy and not having to answer to anyone. I love coming and going as I please without explanation. It's very freeing I must say!

Now here's the hiccup! I also love being part of a union. Without all that extra bullshit. Yessss I understand no relationship is perfect and I get that. Hell if no one does...I do! I've lived a very peaceful yet lonely life these past few years. Then I begin to ask the question...am I willing to give up all of what I have attained to be in a relationship? I've done alot of work to get to this place emotionally and mentally in order to actually be alone.

NEWS FLASH!!! Now being alone and being lonely are two different things! You can be in a full blown relationship and still be lonely. Being alone is the physical sense of being. Being lonely is the actual feeling that is felt. There were times that I felt lonely in my previous relationship. To be quite honest I need attention and sometimes alot of it because I can most definitely be extra! Once I have your attention...your full attention...then I can go back to the normality of things. It might even sound selfish to want this from someone especially with all they have on their plates. At the end of the day if I'm not getting what I need, that side of your plate will be empty.

I'm a very vocal person. So if I tell you what I need or want...it's not a pretest...your taking the exam. I can be snappy and defensive when I'm feeling like I don't have your attention. Now when you come in with the "fake" attention...I can't! Don't give me the attention I've been asking for once I no longer want or need your attention. You can't just go back and make that happen because it's not real.

Everything takes work if it's going to be good. None of us are perfect and at the end of the day communication....healthy communication is the key to a good healthy relationship.

With that said....I'll wrap this comeback with #sheready!

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG: @channelingtequila
Website: channelingtequila.blogspot.com