When I'm in need of reassurance in anything I will go into self defense mode. It's become my natural reaction since everything transpired in my previous marriage. I'm working on not self sabotaging things, yet at the same time being overly cautious is where my comfort lies. I'm a confident beautiful mixed soul when it comes to many things...except in a relationship. Like my therapist says..."you're waiting on the shoe to fall all the time". I had to agree because it's true. It's safe to say I have anxiety about being in a relationship. This wonderful diagnosis of relational anxiety has afforded me yes....more therapy! Now don't get me wrong, I love my middle aged white woman with black tendencies because she keeps shit real real with me! Yet I would love to be at a place in my life and relational that would allow me not to be in therapy. I've been with the same therapist off and on since 2010/2011 and she knows IT ALL! Welp...guess I'll be there until I'm kicked off this ride.
Self sabotaging is a real thing just in case some of you are questioning my very own reflection of myself. When I'm into someone or something I tend to throw myself into it. Once I begin to get comfortable my mind is going 10k miles an hour to try and find a way out because of my own insecurities. Just like I pep talked myself into it, I can pep talk myself out of it and put the wheels in motion faster than the winner of the Indy 500! I'm learning to just let things be. Enjoy the moment and live in the moment. It's work and I'm a work in progress.
I love the thought of love and embracing it. What I don't like about love is the uncertainty of it all. When I'm happy, I'm cautiously happy and that can cripple anything in place. Fortunately I have encountered someone who understands where I am and is willing to help navigate through it all. The process is long yet necessary and a lifelong one if you're ever planning to have peace in life. Allow yourself to experience your best self and allow your best self to be experienced. Live...love...live some more and laugh uncontrollably often.
#findyourhappy
With Love,
LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG: @channelingtequila
Web: channelingtequila.blogspot.com
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