Bent . . Not Broken!

In life we go through a lot of things.  From the time we enter into this world our destiny has already been defined.  Trials and tribulations will come and in order to persevere we need to be resilient.  Broken relationships, job loss, birth, death, life tossing you all around just to get a reaction out of you.  I've had my share of all those things and I am still standing.  BENT . . NOT BROKEN!  In the last two years I think I cried enough for the entire universe to be set free from anything they may have been going through.  The difference is unless you were in my INNER CIRCLE you would never have a clue of what I was battling every single day. . .DEPRESSION!  YES THE DREADED "D" word in the black community or hell any community of brown! 


I'm not sure who this is geared towards . .and I definitely didn't think this would be the direction of this blog title . .but HERE IT IS!  So receive it . .share it . .


Now back to BENT. . .NOT BROKEN!  I was working everyday, not one but two jobs, maintaining the household to the best of my depressed ability . .on a continual wheel like I was a hamster running.  Day in and day out . .it was literally like the movie Groundhog Day (there's a plug for that).  I would do all that tiring work of appearing normal, cry in the bathroom, cry in the car, cry in my office, cry walking to the damn bathroom to clean my face, get home, cook dinner for my kids . .well maybe . .but they ate, cry while cooking, cry on my way to my bed, get in my bed, cry myself to sleep.  So when I say I cried enough tears for the entire universe . . it was REAL!  I didn't even know I was depressed, I just thought I was going through the motion of a relationship that was ending.


I don't know what type of relationship some of you ladies have with your gyno; however my gyno is like THE BOMB!  It's literally like being at a hair salon . .lol!  The day I walked in for this appointment was very different.  As soon as she walked into the room she took one look at me and said, "Hey let me ask you some questions!"  Me being the chipper person I am and the pretend person I tried to portray to her was like "Oh ok".  She asked me 5 questions . . and then said "YOU'RE DEPRESSED".  My damn gyno people . . no one else . . the damn gyno!  What did I do when she said that?  Yep . . cried!  Hell I'm crying now thinking about it!  She took me into her arms and held me, gave me a prescription for this MAGICAL PILL CALLED TRAZADONE and said go see a therapist.  She then followed up with, "I will be calling you on Monday to see when your appointment is with the therapist."  AND . . she did just that!!  Even threatened me that if I didn't go she would be reporting me!!  I was like WTH!!?? But hey, it was the BEST THING EVER for me.  I was BENT . . .NOT BROKEN!




As a female, I'm sure males do too, but I can only speak for MY GENDER; we go through a lot of emotional trauma because we give our entire existence as it relates to emotions.  Everything we do is attached to an emotional response.  We love . .emotion.  We argue . .emotion.  We encourage . .emotion.  We are a bag of emotion!  Once that emotion is turned off or lying dormant, you can bet that there's a problem!  It just may be depression!  Here's a handy dandy link for you or someone
https://www.drugs.com/cg/depression.html to assist you . .or someone 😉!




I was really down and out for the count.  I was BENT. . .NOT BROKEN but I didn't know it.  I for sure thought life was over as I saw it.  Well ladies and gents I'm here to tell you IT WAS NOT!!  After months and months of the MAGICAL PILL, continued therapy and STOP. . . LOTS OF PRAYER, I woke up one day and started living life again.  It was indeed a new awakening!  I was so BENT my spine curved . .NOT BROKEN!  I pulled it together slowly and surely.  Started actually leaving the house again for more than just work.  Looked at myself and was like FK THIS . .I GOTTA PULL IT TOGETHER!  I mean I pride myself on being STRONG and LOVING MYSELF more than anyone could ever love me, yet I had not embraced that in damn near two years!!  IT WAS TIME!  YES IT WAS TIME!  I looked good on the outside . .but the inside was ALL JACKED UP!!  Once I realized that I was BENT . . .NOT BROKEN it was ON AND POPPIN!! 


The one thing that I NEVER compromised during this time was my CASHFLOW!!  UM HELL TO THE NO!  I still had responsibilities and life needed to go on!!  All I could see was the scene from Color Purple when Sophia told Celie "You better bash Mr. in his head and think about heaven later."  That was me with my depression and my cashflow!  YOU WILL NOT BREAK MY CASHFLOW!  BENT . . .NOT BROKEN!




The best advice I can give anyone going though life's trials is to SEEK HELP if needed.  There is no shame in taking care of yourself mentally. LOVE YOU . . EMBRACE YOU . .be BENT . . .NOT BROKEN!




With Love


LR Wilson, Founder


#findyourhappy


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