The Plight of A Scorned Woman

What does it really mean to be scorned?  Is it revenge?  Is it self pity?  Is it control?  What exactly is it?  The official textbook definition reads to "feel or express contempt or derision for".  That word contempt is a heavy one.  It literally means "the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn".  Seriously???? Now let's get into this right here!

The Plight of A Scorned Woman is when she ends up in a situation that is unfortunate.  Clearly that can cover a lot of ground once you go through things that you never imagined would exist.  Many of us would have never thought we would be in this exact situation or circumstance in this day and at this age . . but hey . .here we are!  Although life has a funny way of telling us . .slow your ass down and focus . . it also can be one of the most rewarding moments you have ever endured.

I had the honor and privilege most recently of being interviewed for a podcast Bougie University Designing a Life We Love with Cicely Renee the Bougie Black Blogger to talk about how to #findYOURhappy.  This was an eye opening experience for me and it was one of many that will forever be in my favor. All these moments are launching me into my destiny of being a Motivational Speaker when I grow up . . AGAIN!  By the way check out Episode 8!

 https://anchor.fm/bougieblackblogger


When a woman is scorned we tend to walk through the fire and brush off the ashes as we get back to life.  There is something special about a woman who can do just that!  I'm not saying men can't be scorned; however I'm speaking for and from a woman's experience.  We are literally the backbone of the home.  Many times I have spoken with women who are in relationships, out of relationships, in-between relationships and the stories are all the same no matter the relationship status.  We get up and get shit done no matter what!

Yes there was a time when I thought I was going to damn die without my spouse.  Lo and behold I lived!  Not only did I live for myself, I lived for everything that mattered more than my life . .my children.  I have had some trials that I never thought I would have to face and at the end of the day I rose through the fire.  There have been times that I have gone without food to eat because my priority was to make sure my son was fed, the household functioned without missing a beat and anything that my older kids needed help with, I was able to provide it. If I ask for help with anything . . .it's a real need.  I will sit and go without before I result to owing anybody anything. I may not have everything I want, but I have everything I need. 

People think they know what's going on in your life and they speculate or predict what you should have or should be doing because of your job/economic status.  Honey let me tell you . . no one knows what's happening with my bank account other than me, my bank and God Almighty unless I've shared that information. Please don't tell me what I should have in my account unless you are making deposits.  Unless you have been in my shoes, you can not understand the walk that I have had to endure. Even if you wore the same shoes, your walk and my walk is completely different because we are all cut from a unique cloth that's special fitted for only us. Some say it's my own fault that I went through that season.  I say everything happens in God's timing and for a reason.

No one is perfect and we all have seasons of being scorned. That feeling of being beneath consideration, worthless or deserving of scorn can hit us all at some point in our lives.  It's what you do with it once it arrives that matters the most. Will you sit down and not fight for consideration, worth or what you deserve? You don't have to lash out at the other person or even try to diminish them.  That's what the enemy wants you to do.  The crazy thing is, I'm not even mad at that because he's just doing his job.  You have to be stronger in faith and resilient to a fault.  Every obstacle that you perceive that is in your way is just a stepping stone to get you to where you are ordained to be.

The Plight of A Scorned Woman is just that . . .COURAGE, STRENGTH, DETERMINATION, PROSPEROUS and FAVOR.

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG:  @channelingtequila

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Goliath who?

Many of us have felt defeated in life at some point.  Whether it was tied to a relationship, a friendship, a job, weight loss, exercising, raising kids . .at some point the feeling of defeat was overwhelming.  If you know anything about David and Goliath, you are aware that Goliath was a giant and David was a small boy.  Problems in life are just that . . .Goliath! There have been times when although I didn't feel like I was defeated, I was.  As women we have that "push through it" mentality.  We were created this way.  So it's what we know and what we do . . most of us anyway.

During the demise of my relationship, I felt defeated.  Here I go again with another failed marriage.  Then I had to take a real look at what was going on.  Yes I am the common denominator.  One would think that I am clearly the problem.  Well if we're being totally honest here . . I'm the common denominator because I chose to be.  I allowed many things to go on because I didn't address them in the proper fashion.  Those issues were Goliath in my life and I felt defeated.  Then one day, I decided I was done with it.  I asked the question Goliath who?  I found my David.  I found my strength in my voice and in my actions.

The problem with being Goliath is the fall.  You fall hard because you're big and overpowering but lack the stability mentally and emotionally.  Until you are able to address what your truths are and unmask every part of you . .you will always be a victim of defeat.  Some can't allow others to see into their truth because they want a cheerleading section of dysfunction.  They need to be the victim; otherwise there is no attention given.  Mind you . .it's attention that is not helpful in their growth . . but that's neither here nor there.  The goal is to function in dysfunction as "normal" as possible.  Nothing is normal about not knowing or acknowledging you are wrong in a situation.  If you're always justifying what is not . . you will always be Goliath.

David was small and just a boy.  What he did have was emotional stamina.  He was able to strategically figure out how to overcome defeat.  It had nothing to do with strength.  It was all about getting into Goliath's head so that he could overpower him.  You have to be able to get into your own head to beat Goliath at his own game.  Stop allowing people to dictate your happiness by their inadequacies. BE DAVID as you empower yourself while yelling Goliath who?  Know your worth and justify your existence to those who already accept you for who you are and not what they want you to be.  Goliath who?

#findYOURhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG:  @channelingtequila

Lions, Tigers & Snares . . Oh My!

This week has been one of the hardest I've had in a long time.  As readers are aware, I have been preparing to go through the divorce process for quite some time . .as in almost three years.  Well that day came on this past Monday.  The very first hearing.  It's something about that you are never really prepared for.  It literally feels as if you are preparing for a funeral.  It as lonely, it was scary and most of all it was unf'nbelieveable.  If you really wanna know a person, sleeping with them won't get you there. . .court will however! Of course you want specifics, but since I'm not that girl . .and it's still under judiciary advisement I will give you this much ⇊

In all my years of education, student loan owing life have I ever encountered the real meaning of true colors until this week. If I've never learned anything in this life...this week has taught me that all zebras have stripes and if you encounter one without them...it's a horse! If I don't sit my Love and Basketball, Eat Pray Love, Iyanla Vanzant Fix My Own Damn Life, black love wanna be having ass down somewhere I better!  Now you can use ALLLLLLL of your imagination to figure out how things went once the stenographer got to typing. It's was like I was having an out of body experience and asking "who is that?" Obviously I am comfortable in a courtroom setting since I do it everyday, but nothing could have prepared me for the Twilight Zone.  One of my favorite memes on Facebook is "People will straight disrespect you and then act confused when you don't wanna f*%$ with them anymore."  Lions, Tigers & Snares. . .Oh My!

A little smidgen of my truth is when the judge asked if I was (insert government name) I began to sob like a baby . .uncontrollably.  I thought I was ready for this moment.  Hell I cried getting dressed.  I cried getting into the car.  I cried and prayed on the way to the hearing.  I cried walking up the stairs and while waiting.  I did NOT know all of those emotions would come flooding like that all at once. But it happened and it happened for the whole courtroom to see and hear.  I'm sure the court record reflects "sobbing uncontrollably" as the official record once it's all said and done.  I needed that.  I needed that moment in time.  Let me tell you all this . . .if I wasn't sure . . .I am now. #dealsealed

I went to my therapy appointment a few days after and I was told that she has never met anyone like me in all her 40 years of being in therapy.  I mean, this we know!  She said to me you have the biggest heart, faith, unwavering loyalty to a fault and love for this man that he will never be able to see because he's afraid to. Yes, you guys have been through hell and back; and no one person is at fault because many times you have been able to rebuild and refocus.  It was that initial breakdown in trust many many years ago that caused this so many years later.  The foundation was cracked from the beginning. Nothing can survive on cracked foundation for long.  I took that to heart. It feels like a funeral because you're burying who you fell in love with all those years earlier and those are the memories you have held on to and will continue to.  You made beautiful babies, bought homes, graduated from college, all things that are monumental.  No one gets married to prepare to get divorced.  Now we, therapist and I, have been together off and on for about eight years.  So she has the diary if you ever wanna know anything.  I tell it all . . .my side . . .his side. . . my dirt . . .his dirt. . .my good . . .his good; otherwise what's the use of going to therapy to lie?  Makes no sense if you're truly about healing!  You have to unmask in order to see who you really are.  That is, if you're truly about change and not being a victim.

Just know that the enemy comes to kill . . .steal . . .and destroy. He has one job and he's good at it.  That can only happen if you allow it.  Stay true to your faith and yourself. Hold on to everything you have mentally and emotionally in order to get to the next phase.  Never allow someone else to write your story without your permission. Something special about a woman who overcomes everything that's meant to destroy her.  I've been fighting for life ever since I left the womb, so today is no different.  Lions, Tigers & Snares . . .Oh My!

#findYOURhappy

With Love,


LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila Page
IG:  @channelingtequila

Is It Just Me?

We all go through things and that's a part of life. At that time you can't help but wonder...Is it just me? Feelings of disbelief, overwhelming guilt and/or shame, helplessness and loneliness all seem to prevail in your thoughts. You really start to think Is it just me? Clearly and surely I must be the only one ever to go through this...whatever "this" is in your life.

We can't seem to figure out anything and rationalizing tends to go out the window. Right now I'm going through a season in my life that I can not even begin to explain where my mind is...going...or will end up. It's scary, lonely and pretty much has me paralyzed in a sense. All my emotions are in shambles. I honestly don't know if I'm coming or going.

To be totally candid and transparent, just this week I felt myself treading down that road to depression again. I had to quick pull it together and stay focused. I haven't allowed myself to feel emotion in so long because I didn't want to feel anything that would allow me to care. Been there and done that. Putting up that wall has helped me to get to this place.

What is this place? Well I'm still figuring it out. Some have asked what can I do to support you? Hell I don't know but when I figure it out I'll be sure to let you know. I've never been here so I don't know what I need from anyone other than time and space. My usual coping mechanism.

Is it just me? Or do you too feel the same way when you're going through whatever? What do you do to cope?

#findyourhappy

With Love,

LR Wilson, Founder
FB: Channeling Tequila page
IG: @channelingtequila